raison detre

3 songs

2008-03-09T21:37:00.003+08:00

Since my new blog aint up yet...

guess i'll off load it here

3 piano pieces for the soul

Another Level - From the heart

I know you heard these words a hundred other times before,

and you've been hurt so your heart chose to close the door,

love broke your heart and brought you lies.

Look in my eyes, you'll see a love thats deep and true.

Tender and Strong and all for you

You can trust this love

Honest, thats the honest truth

From the heart,

Im giving you everything, everything

From the heart,

I promise you that i'll be there

From the soul, i'm showing you all i feel, all i feel is,

From the heart, From the heart.

I will protect you and respect you and be all your need.

And when you reached for love, you only need reach for me.

these arms will never let you down.

they are staying around.

I'll walk you through every storm,

I'll keep you save and warm.

and you'll have no doubt, you're the one i'm living for.

From the heart,
Im giving you everything, everything
From the heart,
I promise you that i'll be there
From the soul, i'm showing you all i feel, all i feel is,
From the heart, From the heart.

I'll provide the love you need,

just trust my touch, believe in me

I'll never make you cry.

Give it all i got, with all i got inside

From the heart,

Im giving you everything, everything

From the heart, I promise you that i'll be there

From the soul, i'm showing you all i feel, all i feel is,

From the heart, From the heart.

Mandy Moore - Only Hope

There is a song that is inside of my soul

its the one that i tried to write over and over again

i am awaken the infinite cold

but you sing to me over and over and over again

so i laid my head back down

and i lift my hands and pray

to be only yours i pray

to be only yours

i know now that you are my only hope.

Sing to me the songs of the stars

Of the galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again

when it feels like my dreams so far

sing to me of all the plans that you have for me over and over again

so i laid my head back down

and i lift my hands and pray

to be only yours i pray

to be only yours

i know now that you are my only hope.

i give you my destiny

i given you all of me

i want your symphony

singing in all that of i am.

At the top of my lungs, i'm giving it back.

So i lay my head back down

and i lift my hands and pray

to be only yours i pray

to be only yours i pray

to be only yours i know now that you are my only hope.

Alicia Keyes - If i aint got you

Some People live for the fortune

some people live just for the fame

some people live for the power

some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the visible things,

define whats within

and i been there before,

but thats life a bore.

so full of superficial.

Some people want it all

but i dont want anything at all

if it aint you baby

if i aint got you baby

some people want diamond rings

some just want everything

but everything means nothing

if i aint got you.

some people search for a fountain,

some people search forever young.

some people need three dozen roses

thats the only way to prove that you love them

hand me a world on a silver platter

and what good would it be

with no one to share

with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
but i dont want anything at all
if it aint you baby
if i aint got you baby

some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothing
if i aint got you.

some people want it all

but i dont want anything at all

if it aint you baby

if i aint got you baby

some people want diamond rings

some just want everything

but everything means nothing if i aint got you

so nothing in this whole wide world dont mean a thing

if i aint got you baby

Revamping of blog

2008-01-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

After many deliberations and inaction, i have decided to revamp this blog. Blog address and publicity will be change along with other aspects of it... I'll try snapping photos for the new one. but it will not be opened to public and i'll keep my profile anonymous so carry on guessing. Chatting will carry on but no more linkings.

This blog will end and information about my new blog address will be base on a case by case basis. Before its officially closed, i like to update on a few things,

A. The stock market is volatile and i lost 10% of my investments already...
B. Work really sucks, 3 colleague leaving, might get promoted to panel soon but i dunno pay wise will increase how much, and my OT is like a lot for next mth on till they get a replacement.
C. I need to cut down on whiskey, puked a lot at st james, super sian.
D. Got a new phone, here's the link xD http://www.htctouch.com/
E. I am seriously not a gay.
F. Met up with ibby, zhijun and germaine.... we seriously are one odd group
G. The Ice Cream at Central is good! go try the blueberry + strawberry ice cream
H. For those who still dunno what the hell am i doing... I am a process technician on Jurong Island, and yes its fucking dangerous and yes i am on shift work.
I. Haha doing flash project for Lynn
J. I hate Marsche. Officially.
K. MSN Seven Hand Poker rocks! So does zhijun. Kaoz keep on trashing me.
L. I Really Really REALLY WANT TO ICE SKATE!!! ARGH
M. Oh... I am waiting for the reply from NUS.... they say by this week dun get = GG ENTS!
N. AND there isn't anymore to type. Off to sleep.

Welcoming the new year

2008-01-01T13:20:00.000+08:00

Haha, every year i make a resolution and last years one... i fulfilled at the 23rd hour of new years eve. Called chansey last night...said we called it quits. so thats it... year 2007 fulfilled.

Well for the new year~, first of all...

400% profit for share trading o.0 thats 500% total
get my first 5 digits in my bank acct -.- gawd i damn poor...
a citibank platinum clear card
OMFG stop being so money minded.
er.. :X
and study a part time degree either CE or IT

well there isn't much to resolute... i aint as fubar as before... life is... peaceful and boring nowadays hahaha everyone else is busy with their lifes i guess. It would be nice if i could share it with someone but well i'm still the hardcore independent me. we will have to see how it all goes. Wishing everyone else a happy new year!

PS: @ work now.... sONG! double ar haha

jobs, friendships, love and exam week..

2007-12-02T08:53:00.000+08:00

First i want to say OMG OMG OMG! what am i doing in office on a sunday... working * days straight -.- i really becoming a no lifer sianz... haha haiz see lah a lot of activity also dun have my share liaoz...

friendships really not thicker than love, haiz losing contact with my friends with gf and the one with a lot of cai hanging around him >.<>.< better go apply now before i regret.

After saying all this, i feel very guilty neglecting her when i feel she needs mine encouragement >.< plus i forgot to call her this friday really really boh sim. YII XUE u better wake up ur ****ing IDEA. K bye. gErMz~* u chionging bacteria =x

Post

2007-11-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

if words couldn't express what I feeling,
I just want you to know that, everything is fine.
you need not worry abt me.

if love was that of a flame,
i feel like fire and ice.
hanging on that moment when they two combined,
either extinguishing the flame or steaming up the ice.

if only one's fate was in one hand,
i sometimes feel like i am waiting for things to happen instead of making it happen.

Fatigue.

Another wild week

2007-11-11T10:28:00.000+08:00

Posts just get coming in fast and furious.

This week really gotta get me tired out... even for a regular clubber like me.

Wednesday night - St James. Freaking queue was all the way into the car park.... my friend waited for 2 hrs to enter. Heng i came at 10.30 ahahaha. The music that day was better than normal cause it was already happening when i enter! but then a lot of oldies lahhhh cant possibly play everything nice and happening at 11 lah till 4 leh. hahaha. James was pretty high, we kept looking at the gals dancing on the tabletop.. and they were looking at him lah hahaha kept teasing each other ur gf ar! haha but the main attraction that night was jia sheng and jane... waha first time see jane dance until so high... jia sheng really has the moves on jane :P First time see zhi jun dancing also, pretty hot at least now i dun classify her as a drinker liaoz way to go!
In attendance was also cheng yi and zhen xian... cheng yi may not have the moves but he got the stamina! well done u survived till 4 a.m. hahaha and zhen xian just kept showing his stuffs oh man, got a lady so high that she danced with him... too bad one guy was staring at him otherwise he should have made the move. Dun worry lah anything got the commando and meee to cover ur arse!

after that, it was macdonalds... we go flood the queue everyone ordering their own hahaha people thought mac long queue lor :P i KOed at mac and it rained heavily, managed to get a cab and i dropped off at JE take company transport to do my hApPy dEePaVaLi OT. hahaha i almost KOed on top of the ISO Tanker.

After work went home ate. and slept for 2 hrs... then went to meet junsy.. its damn paiseh her birthday was last last mth and now then i passed her the prezzie... and somemore i bought on the day itself lor... I know its no christian Dior perfume, but it set me back by a lot considering that i had no money at the end of the day :( hope u like it. Went to eat my SG's most fav taiwan mian xian and dou jiang you tiao( first time eating), after that went cozy bay! hahaha i love that place... the river is so calm, nice place to chill. We shared a lot that nite... though i know we have already drifted apart, at least we sorta know each other still though time and years have changed us quite a lot. If i had a choice, i wouldn't have chose to lose contact with her 4 years back. I still regret that decision though i feel that I have became more matured and kan de kai le, I wonder if i can feel love once again. Otherwise its trekking in the gobi desert and a life of lonliness and bachelorhood for me liaoz ahahahah, hey it can be fun, I can go to Antartica.

Went back home and was kept awake by zj, apparently she got very sick after the clubbing and I was concerned for her lor... NUS + such a hectic night life is not good. Hope she gets better, can always go with us after the exams :)

After another 4 hrs of sleep, i worked whole day, actually was supposed to OT but i asked my colleague to cover for me cause I actually thought i was going to New Asia Bar but end up clubbing at MOS. hahaha Enn Teck kept asking me why MOS queue so long but everybody who went there say it sucks hahahaha friday was EMPTY LOR. they play trance on the main hall its like cant even fill the dancefloor at 1 a.m. Omgz. Haha sue lynn looked nice in her cute pink tubes, her friend shi qi can tell is quite a drinker. and MOS is literally her territory lor hahaha hop from room to room like damn pro like that. Next time if she is in st james, i'll treat both of ya to lambogini... if shi qi still not high i'll up it with a waterfall... if still can We can share a rainbow and but i think i will definitely be wasted.

Danced in that stupid cage, reminds me of the square dance floor at phuture, sibei no space eh. I couldn't up my tempo as it was damn damn squeezy. But i did manage to up it after jane and chengyi got me drunk with 1 jug of vodka ribena, dunno why its nice lor hahaha though saying so much, i prefer my old haunt to MOS, i give it a 1 and a 1/2 out of 5 cause i went out 3 times before it got nicer.

OKIE, gotta start practicing hinder's lips of an angel... needa jam it in 2 hrs ciaoz

Post

2007-11-07T18:11:00.000+08:00

Alrite, alrite.. stop sweeping up the dust in my blog... let the cobweb lie and the grass grow.
its been one hell of the mth already and the reason i didn't have any entries is coz i have three private entries and they remained uncomplete. bLeAhx go hack my acct to find my entries lor... LINK ME MORE LAH.

I would like to say that first, after finishing NS i finally finally can type about my work life liaoz.... its great compared to my NS days but still i think it could be better.... I learnt a lot of things during my one mth in the company, how to charge the tanker, loading of products etc. Balancing on top of a iso tanker and taking samples.

I must say i am more carefree compared to my days in NS, i didn't have to work under stress, managing a few jobs and one goal and always afraid that i will sign extras or that my work will be scrutinize but other factions. Now is work, be smart, learn and minimise on mistakes. I think i am suited for this kind of work as it doesn't involve sales or going door to door. but it gets bored after sometime and I need to distress sometimes.

HeHe now onto EnTeRtAiNmEnT. went clubbing with junsy jane and flint in sept. met jane's friend over there, could say we had fun there, as juns ordered my fav. lambogini and waterfall combination. We both become very high lor but can tell we are quite good drinkers cause we were still standing at the end of the clubbing session. Haha, my sliding improved quite a bit that night, as we danced in a circle the whole night. sIghz still waiting to dance solo with the one i really wanna dance with.. hopefully it will be soon :P

Went to boiler room another thursday, as one of my company manager was leaving, it is quite a nice place and i wouldn't mind going again... especially to the tunes of gun's n roses and rihanna eh eh eh! :x well thats all for the month of sept until now, kinda a bit of no life though i did go out during weekends hee

ratatoulie and the sunflower girl

2007-09-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

woke up on friday thinking what i was going to do today... Teng Yong's hey georgeous competition was going on in the afternoon and i was going to meet her tonight for ratatoulie, I went to cook my breakfast first, thinking when i was going to start cooking myself a sumptous meal with the veggies that i bought the other day but i knew i had no time to be doing cooking today. So it was instant noodle with two leaves of cabbage and an egg drop into it at the end.

Went on the net after that, chatted with ibsen, zhijun and shujun told them i am going to tell her tonight, seek a few piece of advice from them and then i moved out at 3.. kinda late but hopefully i could buy the tickets and still see teng yong performing :Pwhile i set off for town i got the disappointing news from teng yong that he was not going to perform... haiz wasted our time and effort and my internet connection on voting him -.- but ok la, haha at least now he knows the 7 girls better i think JW42's overall objective has been achieved ;)

So into town i went, straight up to the 5 floor to get the tickets then it was time to get down to the preparation. I so wished chris was still here in SG as he was a smooth assistant and probably gave me a lot of ideas and support but ok la, guess it was a one man planning and execution with help from marvin. With 5 hrs left i began scouting around orchard for flower shops, walked from cine to taka to wisma to tangs and all the way up to far east... but somehow i only managed to see the one at takashimaya's dept store at basement 1, had sushi from tang's basement for lunch, 3 for 1.80 quite cheap and still not so bad though the squid nv taste like squid. Must rmb to try out the penang laksa also, been two years since i tried it at the moon cake festival exihibit at taka found one outlet at tang's basement. yum yum. So i was back to taka, thinking of what flower to give, well for that 2 hr i was thinking of what would happen, was it too fast or am i jumping the gun, is my feelings for her true. For abt 1 hr i sat at the bench covering my mouth as my facial expression was changing thruout sometimes smiling sometimes serious heng nobody was noticing otherwise they would have called woodbridge.

But planning nv could beat the actual thing as marvin was late, i spent like 10 mins in panic and trying very hard to pluck up some courage to buy the flower. Met marvin b4 meeting her and brief him of what was going to happened. haha i guessed if i had chris it would have went down smoother but no choice la, must get the second highest rank in JW42. Met Sue Lynn and her two friends jiang qing and shieki.. i dunno why i keep thinking of jiang qing as soya sauce but i dun dare to say it lah >.< Went in for the movie, i find it quite kiddy and inspirational, liked the part when he was in the cage and the dead chef appeared and said you were not a chef or a rat all along, u were just urself. Got a little emo there, but overall quite a good movie.

After that got into a little logistics problem as her friend missed her last train.. went to find the night rider bus but went the wrong side, after getting to the right side, had a call from my old pal asking me go double O. told him i wasn't free though i was at orchard. feel kinda bad but he could haf asked me earlier and at a better time -.-~ Well i smsed marvin on how it was going later, told him to get down the cab and he told me ok boss. hmm but i dunno maybe he didn't get me he waited at the cab while i said it to her.

Gave her the gifts, was kinda scary alittle, imagine how she was feeling if she knew i was freaking out myself, hmm wont go into details here bLeahx but well i told her how i felt and that i wanted to go out with her and know her better. Pretty much end the convo thereand i got back into the cab and headed off home, marv asked why i didn't sent her home, i told him cause u in the cab -.-~ then end up a bit sian lo.

she's the second person i ever gave flowers to and i guessed the only one who nv outright rejected me, the first person was shujun, i gave her the flowers cause she was upset just to make her happy. Hope she liked the sunflower i gave her. Hope i got a chance to give her a red rose.

why?

2007-09-12T19:03:00.000+08:00

why does this stranger lingers in my mind? make me all mess up inside... making me wanting more! Doesn't she knows I am attracted to her? how come i am like a toy yoyo to her? you know u can cut the strings and i'll roll away instead of waiting to be pulled to you.

i'm falling a stranger, and all that i know is her name... i'm fell i'm getting weaker, poison with the picture of you inside my head. Soon i'm getting blind from the emotions numbing my head. So where is this stranger? I wish you can cure me instead.

starts singing *lifehouse - blind*
after all this time
i never thought we be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you is blind
but i couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that i loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when i let you go

Driving License + ORD + Birthday + Paintball

2007-09-10T14:37:00.000+08:00

Best week ever.

ORD LIFE CRISIS

2007-09-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

the offs and leaves are coming in, u starting to slack at home with nothing else to do, then u realise u aren't going to study after u ORD and u haven't find a job. but u think of slacking first afterall u got all the time in the world after army.

But then my friend just asked me, hey dude i going to invest in stocks and i like u to help with my investment we could co share if u willing to start an account.... i replied so whats the minimum?.. 1k. OMG the thought of i not even having 1k just erased all the slackness of my mind. A hunger is taking over me, a hunger to work to make life better and earn more $$$. Should get a degree, but i still not decided over buisiness and SIM i rather take something else, oh well next year we shall see, i have to start saving if i were to apply for next year.

oh wells enjoy the song.

my very tiring week

2007-08-18T14:49:00.000+08:00

get ur sexy on~ get ur sexy on~ OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
been to two clubs in two days and i am still in clubbing mode. St james rocked man... except that it repeated songs abt average twice thru out the night. Danced with a girl that night, though somehow i wasn't interested in getting her number or knowing her name. just casual dancing i guessed. had two vodka lime on wednesday night. haha ladies night, for ur info 6 free house pour and free entry for the ladiessssss. And for the 1st time, the clubs aint as foggy as last time but the smoking corner really is worse than a bonfire burning...

MOS is just full of malays and though i have nothing against them, i wanted to see more chinese babes. Ok la i saw maybe two very hot ones... and a few pretty ones wow thats good enough :) but i was really tired after wednesday clubbing and i sort of knocked out while dancing... very very sleepy and a little drunk.

friday went see the fireworks, beautiful :) very very nice. haha the ladies were screaming when the heart shape fireworks came out. For me it definitely had to be the red ball followed by the gold dust damn thats beautiful....... wasn't as great as the one during my poly days where that guy fired the thing right on top of us and i just see the sky changing colours thruout but still guite a good one... today got one more hee :)

101 post

2007-07-29T16:09:00.000+08:00

been long since i post since i was very upset with my heart problem but guess what!! that poly clinic doctor cheat my feelings!!!!!!!! the specialist look at the same graph she looked at and say no ar nothing wrong! wtf and say they should train doctors to read the ECG properly.

ok la... but heaRING THE words coming out from his mouth really made my day! from now on i am combat fit though u dun ask me climb la sure fail one. pull up cannot do...ar hahaha 22 more days to OR OR D! Everytime my colleagues said i ORD mood i just laugh back.... getting more and more f***** up liao but thats life la... if i was still doing everything in the office, what will happen if i left.

got news from my aunt that my cousin in the states is going to lose his job, due to the downturn in the subprime market, thats bad news.sighz hope he finds a good job with his excellent qualifications.

100 post

2007-07-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

this is mine 100 post.. and zomg i wan to complain abt a 334 bus driver!!! stupid idiot change to outer most lane while i driving at 40km/h. I know u ****ing big but I GOT L plate leh dun bully me. All other drivers already overtake me until i sian le. still make me sudden brake.

Well, this post is about all my friends i guess. Lots of them i forgot already, some still in touch, sighz... though I have a big circle of friends its like so hard to contact all >.> AR....... the JW 42 peeps, Steven, Chuen Ming, Han Ming, Chris, Marv, Ty, Jin Min, Cheng Yi, Lian Jie, Jane, Angeline. Long time no KTV liaoz.. ahaha My gunbound friends, Wibser, Kaho, Christy, Laura, Johnny and a few latin americans. My pri sch click, zhen xian, ping lai, guang hong, yew wai, wen jun. my sec sch click, aye chan, ibsen, choon yap, wolf gang CEO - wei fu, donovan, kaiwei, yu kai, zhi hong, beijing duck - quek peiqi, xiao tian, shi hui, qiuting. My crushes xiao wei, lydia, pei qing, xiu pei, shu jun + 1 more =X. quizzical buddies - gErMzY~*, yi jia, michelle, San San, Tel, Ming You, + one unknown broadrick dao guy, gan mei mei - ah kat, zhijun. kane fans - Arise, Fang zhen, Wen zhen and Fang rong the triplets, Esta, Darker + the evil guy that takeover our channel Swarth.

Scout buddies - Tai Xiang, Glen, Guo Yao, Jia Yi, Jeremy, Yong hao, Jia min, kam zhun, kang wei, bernard, Jie ming, Kelvin, Yu Fei, Thiam San, Xi jian, David, Alvin, Kenneth, Addy, James, Swee Fong and many others...

Warcraft buddies - NewbieNub, Dev, Shinku, Teddy Bear, Apple, Karen, IamDead, Blank, CheeseCry, VirgoKazuki, Tyx, Lei, Kaka_1986, Shadowz, YooYoo, BladeBlitz, Home, Dingdongbell, Scorp, Sdq, Vespa, Anubis, Wormi, Dislocated.

Poly mates - Lead Singer - Leonard Tan, Drummer - Eeyang, Bassist - Andy, Rhythmic guitar - Clarence (hmm whats left ar?) Lead Guitar - ME!!!! :) Joon Chye, Mao Yuan, Harley, Leslie, Dong Hao, Edmund, Kelvin, Jessie, Fay, Angela, Ley Thing, Hui Wen, Ying Li, 2SG Sheena Kee Li Shan - my superior -.-, Amelia, yan ping. I sort of forgot someone... =X

Junsy's friend - Zhi Jia, gui yan, Jing qing, xin lei, huifang, and that small little girl whom i suddenly forgot her name.

Zhi jun's friend - Junqiang, Pearl and James.

Flint's friend - jia en, chow fei, edmund.

Yi jia's friend - sue lynn, yong zheng, shuyu

Well, haiyo i haven't even name my BMT mates, well this are the peeps i like remember and like to keep in touch xD gotta go

after all this time

2007-07-16T22:23:00.000+08:00

today had the shocked of my life, i actually am in danger of suffering a heart attack... one of my veins to the heart has been constricted so anytime it could burst and i could die. lol neil told me that 45% of people who has this problem end up dead. she told me to be careful eat oats to clear up the fats in my veins, lol thats one of the very last thing i will ever eat...

my mum now treats me like my dad.... lols told me everyday drink her mangosteen juice and eat banana to remove the fats but i guess it wont help much..... need to exercise more and chao keng from the army...

boss was very pissed that i didn't come today... i got a feeling he is not giving me any ORD offs but nvm i can always self declare them myself since i already got this condition. sighz really a young man with a old heart :( heart i hope u get better ok... sorry i enjoyed 22 years of fatty food... i going to exercise and cut down on those... :)

i write more on this post when i back
need to sleep now

-edit- 17-07-07
well, feeling better today haha... told myself that i will survive this somehow, its not like i didn't have this prob before :P think i had it when i was a kid, just that nobody detected it until now.

well i realised that i had quite a lot of higher up friends in my battalion... my old boss told me to take it easy and that he will help me to cover my physical activities.. since he is the one in charge of all our training -.-~ my colleagues esp. the new one like ask me relax more la... since i everyday damn stress in that office. Then my current boss also told me to eat less fatty things la... think i stop following my master to eat during teabreak... wah lau everyday bak chor mee wan tan mee.... i will die faster.

spoke with my dad just now, he quite upset that his son has this illness and that i might step into the coffin earlier than him.. but i told him nvm la... ur son has no intention to live long either hahaha, but ya la, now too early le... 70 jiu 70 bah! haha my memory already like old man by the time i 70 i think i no more memory left lol.

oh well i going sleep le
-.- haven't get to the topic yet...

driving for the learned

2007-07-01T03:19:00.000+08:00

First, this entry as requested by my dear yi jia~! haiyo I haven't get mine yet how i know what to write.

well ten things u should do / not while driving

1. Stop at the green lights.

2. Go at the red ones.

3. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

4. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.

5. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.

6. Honk frequently without motivation.

7. Let pedestrians know who's boss.

8. Restart your car at every stop light.

9. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

10. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.

Well always have a fire extinguisher, floor jack and first aid kit for emergency purposes =D happy driving xD

A theory on life

2007-06-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

Life to me as a child was aspirations, dreams and ideals. As a child is easy to follow ur dreams, u just have to think of what u want to be imagine how u r there and what u going to do, u take each day with full of ur hopes and dreams and u know one day u will get there.

Not so easy in real life though. I was bright, young and talented, top in maths in my pri sch, had all the toys that i wanted. I knew that one day I would think of something to change the world, I knew that I got the mind to envision great things even multi processing of images motion and possibilities. I could picture four diff settings at four diff places at a time. I tried picturing 6, but i guess thats when i first met my limit. I broke down. Literally mad. Started hearing voices, lost control laughing during exams, became depressed. I still was brilliant but i was mad. I started envisioning apocolypse... imagine a primary five kid envisioning dooms day. I became consumed everyday thinking of how do i prevent it. What were the possiblities?

Well, i running off topic here, shujun this is my advice for u, life is like a never ending stream of water, sometimes u want to flow to the big ocean but u got stuck in a puddle, other times u got block by a rock or what and after persistence and applying more pressure on the rock u flow thru, other times there is no way but to divert your flow off course but still flowing.

I started young with a lot of potential, but where i end up is mediocre not because i didn't follow my dreams is because thats what life lead me to, u may think i am lazy, i can study but ya i chose to slack and end up here. But the truth is i ran out of steam, i made some tough choices stand my ground but only to realise that the only way forward was to give up on them so that i can live better than to stagnate as a puddle of water. Juns at a point of time, i knew my whole life was u, every breath i took became harder coz ii was beating for u, but i had to lose myself, let it all go cause i already knew i will nv swim in ur ocean. *_*

Some things in this world once broken can never be replaced

2007-06-25T01:57:00.000+08:00

remembering how upset i got at the start of the mth due to that incident... she has forgiven me! xD recalling what has happen, i was really devastated till i turned 180 depressed and rejected. I really had a very bad june because of this and it seems like it snowballed along with my mood till the point i was thinking why i was on this planet breathing air coz i deserve to die being such a loser. But i still had support from my close friends though the guys like mocked me a lot, at least my gal pals cheered me up abit. thx to shu jun, kat and sue lynn, i could have been worst off.

Recalling the days when i met zhijun, then have bf but very sad, coz kana ill treated, then pei her chat online trade songs, lols #i.for.you we had our times there, somehow we like got the same taste in music though sometimes we influence each other like i intro her utada hikura and she introed me evanescence. I felt kinda paiseh that time coz i asked a younger girl for advice on relationships coz i was chasing someone back then but she like a older sis would give me some pointers lor. My first and only GF was her friend somemore =.=~ wouldn't have knowed her if not becoz of zhijun although it nv last long but ya i would haven't had a gf till now(sadded). Still got who... i think i wouldn't have met christy in Gunbound too or laura, and chansey wouldn't have a girlfriend now lol.

Still remember the days I , her and her ANew clan inside gunbound whack other clans, though i nv joined their clan but i had a lot of fun. Still remember i kana whacked by one of her clanmates thruout the entire game coz he jealous i so close to her lolz i end up took revenge another match and killed him thru out the entire game =X but ya la that was then. I still remember her 16 bday present from me, the eye-robot cost 250k gunbound gold, godz she overnight got all the ultimate items.

Coached her during her O levels for her science and maths, partly coz i felt guilty for dragging her into gunbound and partly coz i started to had a crush on her back then. She was quite sweet to me that period coz we usually hang out at Macdonalds and study lo, i still remember her, her cousin and her sis sitting down there, then i try to help all 3 >.> really very kind hor, but ok la haha got mei nus to see mah.

Went Genting with her, her haven't yet BF weixiang, then met up with christy at genting. Dunno leh that trip really make me si xin lo coz they two hmmm... very close bah then i find she very very fierce lady ar! Nvm the fuck this fuck that but she also violent lor.... >.> i really pity wei xiang lo heng ar. though my feelings nv fade after that, but i like scared of her also.

Dunno leh, it was not until year2 of her jc year that i met her again coz my school was beside hers, i did maintain contact with her but not very much le, coz pple had bf mah it wasn't until she got out of JC then she would jio me out for clubbing. >.> dun say le la that stupid incident really sucks. but it really make me realise something, she is someone irreplaceable and my good friend indeed.

her one and only sms to me: (my sim card spoiled recently so i cant really remember the exact one)

people often complain
how small the world is,
but i would rather have it small
than miss the chance meeting u,
dont you?

wow its her own writing i kept it till now since 3 or 4 years back. but sad my sim card spoilt

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because...

forgiveness

2007-06-14T02:52:00.000+08:00

How do u ask someone for forgiveness when u cant forgive urself, how do u forgive someone when that person doesn't ask for it. and how do u seek forgiveness when the person doesn't forgives. If i had the answers, maybe i could salvage both friendships. ArgH i hate tauruses, dun remind me that i am a virgo. Funny just cant get along with them.

Think i need to let go of myself, hating what i become. thats rite hate... so full of it. Need some financial assistance, damn driving is making me go broke. The most funny thing is i took driving cause my dad got problem driving... but now he seems fine i really dunno why i take it liaoz since I never ever wan to drive that car.... in fact i hate that car so much, coz everytime i see it i know its going to become my burden sooner or later. damn it, why does he have to sign a 10 year loan for it. Z. In fact i hate this damn house too, makes me indirectly living off my dad when the truth is he doesn't even so much care abt me. sighz, i'll just have to work my ass off and hope he doesn't buy another car. Uni can wait... can it? arghz so not fair.

decomposing flesh

2007-06-08T03:54:00.000+08:00

cant sleep so well, every breath i take feels heavy, everything i do seems to defeat its own purpose. Its like if god had a plan for me, i already know where i am going, straight to hell buddy.

life is just one stack of dominos, it either falls this way or that.One thing leads to another, no matter how much u try to change course, stop urself from falling u just gonna fall even worse. Everything happens for a reason and only two things are certain in life, birth and death.

Right now for me, i rather end the whole damn thing than to cont going where i am, its like u bought a damn car and u cant control where its going. Well thats modern society for me, u always see the light but when u are lost in the dark, you're just like everyone else who didn't get to see the light part of the norm nothing exceptional.

things start to withdraw and u wish u hadn't been there done that. u wished for all the good things in the world but who is there to take the rest of the damn things u again of coz. Virgo's attempt to be perfectionist is just flawed, the world is so balance. U cant stem out violence anger and hatred, u cant stop love, righteousness and forgivenss, thats why the good is always with the bad, just unfortunate that everybody aint handed out the right proportion, well thats just cause we are all humans and we have a very lousy method of recognition...stress. i doubt there will be an end, welcome to the real world.

ahhhh

2007-06-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

wah lauuuuuuuuu ytd wanted to go KTV but I knew i hadn't enough cash to so i didn't go. Today Zhijun ask me out to MOS. I agreed siannz but my aunt hadn't transfered me the cash she every start of the month will give.. Ended up she waited for me 30 mins then i told her i cant go >.> i'm such a loser fuckkk.

There goes two people off my guest list..... they probably condemning me to hell now... sianzzzzzz. I probably wont forget this day lo. Yii Xue cant goes clubbing with 2 chics coz he has no money WTF!~

edit-
didn't want to put this out... but i guess it doesn't matter now does it? Go die bah Yii Xue

the last and final straw

2007-05-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

I thought at work as long as u dun draw lines, u do what u were told no asshole is going to draw lines for u. But apparently i was wrong, some people just want to take advantage of others, and they will talk their way into it, try their luck to push more workload to your side, heh for once i felt hurt after helping them for so many months on admin, their supervisor come to tell me that his side shouldn't be having one and i should be the one doing? wow i just shoot it back at him. If he ever bring it up again i going to call up his manager and ask him whether they need an admin. He played his cards wrong this time, should have waited for me to left before he tried anything funny. I know how they play the game and they should know by now I can nv tolerate it. Neither could my previous boss could.

For your info, my previous boss relations with them was corked up. They wouldn't get things done and my boss just cut their pay due to non contractual fulfillments. It was like a warzone and I didn't want to be caught in between. I was like supporting both sides as best I could, the workshop has to run and though i saw a lot of unruly behaviours i just act blur and did my job.
Things got better when my boss change, they didn't want to get their pay cut so they tried thier best to please him. a lot of lines last time drawn were like non existant. I finally realise that they threw almost all their problems to our side last time, but thanks to my lousy superior he just take them all as he knows i'll be doing it as he was going to ORD. Now he is jobless and nobody wants to take him in coz every1 knows how he works.

Well, i made my statement, since it is this way I shall just do whatever shit has been thrown to me and wait till i ORD. I'm not going to support them, help them or liason with them on anything from now on. I didn't go there to build a reputation, i just serving my nation. So be it if thats the way they treat me, I have plenty of other stuff to do then to bother with them.

If my head was a metalhead

2007-05-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

We got a casualty! Today while i was shifting waste wood in camp, the passenger who has cocked eyes slam the door on my head as i was telling the driver to reverse in thru the passenger side door. The door is damn big and heavy lo, the moment it hit me i blank out Like i got stun for 20 secs.... I just covered my face with my hand as the immense pain was too much to bear. Its like putting an egg on the floor and slam it with a flat flying pan, after dumping the stuff i headed back to office to continue work but the moment i started thinking my entire front lobe started to feel numb~ and my right side was like about to explode.... it was so pain i had to bear it all the way to the medical centre.

the lousiest thing is when i went there there were like 20 over pple waiting and I bth waited for 2 hrs fell asleep only to find that i waked up the pain gone le.... zZz with about 10+ pple still there i told the medic i was fine and i headed back. I hope i'll sleep thru the night and wake up tml cause i scared my brain got blood clot zZz.

Weirdest dream

2007-05-19T15:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i dreamt i was walking town alone, and i was walking around shops, the funny thing about this dream is I can walk from Harbour Front to City Hall then to bugis to discover that i left my shoe at harbour front. And you know what the weirdest thing is that i suddenly hear justin timberlake's sexyback playing while i was bare footed and i danced in a store parquet floor, i can feel the floor somemore wtf! Then after that as i was in jeans and it wasn't so obvious i was barefeet. i walked back to city hall to discover that i had my shoes on all the time. ANYONE Wans to interpret this dream of mine... its worst than having walls of snakes around u -.-

My budget for this month is now not to spend a single cent unless i am hungry. going to june and my june allowance is going in for the paintball 4000 ammos... dunno how long 4k ammos for 20 person will last. Its time i quit the gaming world, I have my project to do and the deadline is my ORD date. Sucess really depend on my character and determination and planning. xD well ciaos~ going out soon to buy my beloved friend her birthday gift. HEY HEY YOU YOU! i dont like your girlfriend.

when there is nothing to be happy about

2007-05-14T02:26:00.000+08:00

when sometimes life just takes hold of u, gave u one good shake, u start to realise that everything positive was only inside your head. You have no place to study in after national service, your dad's burden has become yours, what u wish you had just couldn't seem to bother u...

all u could think of is lock urself in your world and throw away the keys, u just couldn't seems to care anymore. You feel destined to be alone, what right do you have to give someone happiness when u urself aint happy at all. You start to think back of the past, all the emotional scars, how u went mad overstress and depressed, how u have endured all this years. You think you are tougher but u are wrong, you were lucky to have your sanity, u are not tough but weak, weak to the point of pathetic, then you feel stronger, i'm not pathetic, i'm the master of my own destiny, then things start to revert back and you start living in your own world again :) Feeding on whatever false hope u create knowing that a future of hopelessness awaits.

thats when i start to hear the words screaming inside my head courtesy of OST of Spiderman 2 "vindicated, i am selfish, i am wrong and i am right i swear i'm right, swear i knew it all along. and i had fought, but i am cleaning up so well, i am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself so clear"

2007-05-11T02:28:00.000+08:00

-.- i totally regreted buying a new com esp with a 900 budget, the damn graphics card is like on steriods and the fan is like a mouth blowing out air. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THOSE MSI ENGINEERS!~!!! IF THEY MANAGE TO TWEAK SUCH A GOOD GRAPHICS CARD AT LEAST CALCULATE A BETTER FAN TO GO WITH IT.

But ok la i solve the problem, somehow i got a CPU fan that runs on external power supply it is omg dangerous as i left it standing in my CPU box and running at dunno how many thousand revolutions per min. I swear they were built it to teach some kid a lesson not to put fingers into a fan.

Played against AI wow, the strategy game is becoming like NS. Even when they move in a group its section movement, SALUTE to the computer programmers, they really got real military experience. BTW Its COMPANY OF HEROES, AND I KNOW I AM ONE YEAR LATE IN PLAYING IT.

oh ya did i forget to mention the time, its 2 Frigging 30 a.m. and i cant sleep. TML I am going to die in PT. DAMN my weight, if not i can pull 6. ok enough of all the self centred nagging retrospective bitching views.

Sometimes i wonder, how we love another person, is it by choice, stimulation or fate orrrrr fake.
I take my last last sentence back for the next sentence, WHY THE HELL DO I NEED A GIRL TO CONTROL MY LIFE WHEN I HAVEN"T GET A GRIPS OF IT MYSELF. Okay, i put back my last last last last sentence. Is it coz our hormones, we want it they want it kinda thing or romance, hahaha i haven't met any true romantics left on the planets esp. guys. so Then wth is it? Lonely? Need someone that ur same sex best friend can never give? or cause mars and venus are opposites and they somehow attract. This is getting nowhere. Ok i'll share how i like a girl, I'll get to know the girl, there are a few types of ways to like eg. 1 when the girl walks in and u start to stand and sing the national anthem, thats damn embarassing but hey you aint seeking long term wink wink!~ 2. she's the enchantress, everywhere she goes you cant help but noticing the trails of aura that she left behind, you get hooked and you just want to be by her side. 3. she's.... ok, nothing much special but u two click well and though u two are friends... god has forbidden platonic relationships and you start finding her cute and etc and u start to like her.
4.the moment you saw her, you know she is special and is your soulmate. Fate helps you along and sooner or later you just cant deny that you two are star-crossed lovers, and that begins your fairy tale journey. Judging by the above, i can safely conclude that it is because we are different and that all this are actually our animal instinct of attractions to the opposite sex. A person without hormones would be just in his/her right mind agree?

OK BED TIME!

A week of fun n laughter sadness and tireness

2007-04-29T17:06:00.000+08:00

Started my week very lazily, i MCed on monday hahahahahahahahaha then tuesday dua Flint go to wooden boat hear the Jia En sing then dua him again run all the way to MOS to take cab, then they two tgt go home but heard they quarelled coz we ran away.

wednesday was crab, never go ladies night but heck la dance so much for what. Almost wan go MOS on thursday but lucky i didn't coz i went to chris's hangout and i met fiona xie at LOOF. I didn't quite notice her but i think she isn't my type, those big tits and big eyes just goring my eyes out. Chatted with junsy like we nv did in ages. That girl still is crazy in love, and still chatty like hell. haha though we are so far apart, (first time meeting her this year) still friends i suppose, though its so hard to ask her out. pple busy with one long queue of guys la jkjk.

went KTV on friday, with CM and his girlfriend marvin flint they all, helen resembles shujun a little i sort of felt uneasy thruout but i din say anything la had a sore throat couldn't sing much. Those crazy guys played "cai quan" and i think i kept going toilet all night, wah lau eh we drink dunno how many jugs of coke and sprite. along with whiskey mixed inside i sort of tried my best to kill them all coz they all ganging up against me zZzzz played with 3 guys from the same unit hahahaha i really damn dumb.

Ate with my grandma on saturday, i lost my way at kovan MRT, wah heng i not lost very far away, there a lot of pretty girls unlike jurong so much ah lians. =( Went to a restaurant eat, damn nice, my grandma flying off to america to meet my eldest cousin who is working there, he is in chicago, home of the bulls =). After eating, we walked to the bus stop then i saw RK eating house, u know the one where there is a audio clip "NO PORK, i call the police i tell u!" wow it was there at serangoon way garden ahhahaha must go there with JW42 one day. okie no more updates CIAOZz

no net no com

2007-04-23T11:02:00.000+08:00

>.> my com cannot on then my net also went down around the same time, so all i am left with is a book to read and friends to go out with. I have to MIA from my gaming community, hope it wont change much when i return.

ar, JW42 going thru a transition i think, everyone is ORDing, then got one guy having relationships problem but hopefully its still the same bah. Getting more happening i supposed but still have to see. Went Wala Wala last week, then New York New York and ya went powerhouse again.

Met Clarence at wala wala, that chao keng private. From pilot course dropout go sispec then dropout become clerk sibei pro lo. Besides that wah damn pro lo the second singer, feel he is better than the lead singer, his singing was very hip and had lots of energy but i couldn't hear what is he saying 1/2 the time he singing hahaha. I think 1/2 the time in wala wala i was standing next to Daphne from singapore IDOL but i dun think she is the one lo, but all my friends say she is. I never look at her much really. Anyway half the time i was worried that wooden rail guard of the staircase supported by 16 nuts and 2 metal hinge was about to fall off with our combine weight -.-

Ytd was at New York New York at citylink~~~ wah, it was damn good i tell u they have the best seafood platter for 2, smoked salmon, fried fish slices that taste very nice, shrimps, squid and cold crab! woohoo thats the best. Besides that i ordered a gian yankee burger, i ate half of it while my buddies help me finish off the other half, i think i ate two servings of big mac, my god the beef patty was damn thick and the serving of cheese is damn generous!~ go try it. oh ya got free candy floss too :) Anyway i played the pool table there, first match chris versus flintstone flint won then i challenge him and i won woohoo! dun mess with my pool :P

Well for the powerhouse, went dancing with marv jane and angeline, the place was crowded and i kept noticing this girl dancing, suddenly she got touched by this malay guy, and she stared at him and punch him in the chest, the guy hit back and i sprang to push the guy away, i didn't want to start a fight coz i was still having my green IC but she left and nothing happen ZZz saw her crying though >.> Well i had three glasses of vodka lime i dunno why i didn't want my usual tequila that day. xP had fun dancing with angeline and jane, i still didn't approach others but once i danced behind an ang moh then she and her friends kept looking at me then she started dancing with me i got stunned but later when i return to dancing with my group they were like teasing her lolz :P Oh ya that marvin he keep turning me around while i was dancing, nabei one time he pushed me to a group of girls but i think he never see the group of guys behind =.=~ i quickly danced then turned back again =P he damn evil lo.

meeting in the most unlikeliest places

2007-04-03T00:21:00.000+08:00

guess what? met pearl today, outside my camp wahahaha cant believe it, i was like rushing to camp and then i saw a familiar side view, i was like cant be bah what is she doing here, then i look her in the face and she look back with a smile.

I asked her what was she doing there, lols happen to be relieve teaching at PJC woahhhhhh i din have much time so we crossed the road and parted, told her i gave her a miss call but end up ZJ give me the wrong number!!! >.> well done ZJ :P

k 5 km run tml i better not die from inexhaustion.

end of march

2007-04-01T03:27:00.000+08:00

another justin timberlake song

i can see us holding hands, walking on the beach with our toes in the sand, i could see us on the countryside sitting in the grass laying side by side.

you could be my baby, gonna make you my lady, girl you amaze me, aint gonna do nothing crazy, see all i want you to do is be my love.

went to ST JAMES POWER HOUSE since god knows when i last chiong, went with TY Jane and pearl and junqiang and ZHIJUN haha god knows when i last saw her too. First word she said to me was shouting outside the entrance, "zhuo mo ni zou zhe mo man!!!!!" hahahaha OMGz imagine getting scolded by a 19 year old. -.-

anyway I FINALLY MET JUNQIANG! after so many months of gunbound dota and whatever activities with him and zj i get to meet him in person haha. He looks not bad his attitude also, wah lau eh nice catch la. But he needs to dance more!!! ahhaaha. (my dancing is horrible also btw)

then there is pearl, lols dunno leh she looks good but she makes me feel shy somehow ahha i think she and zhijun same pattern la fierce de ahahhaha. >.< i hope zj doesn't see this -.- Cool man being a relieve teacher :P she dance nice too ahhha esp the way she reacts to the music.

jane and TY quite quiet that night, hahahhaha the 3 of them mistook them for being a couple, they dun believe we three met at the basketball court. lols but it is true. I tried to break ice la but seems like TY forever dao lo haiz haha at least jane was much friendlier =D good that my friends noe each other, planning a KTV soon too xD but i scared i kana scolded again for singing badly x_X

the night rocks, the music was good esp the part where it goes something like this " DIRTY BABE~~~ you see this shackles i'm your slave, i'll let you whip me if i misbehave." hahahahahahhaha i saw zhijun laughing at me while i dance to it coz i remembering jking to her abt that line dunno she rmb or not >.< damn it i must improve my dancing a bit no style cave man dancing =.=~ lolssssssssssssssssss

the next day was a working day, i felt damn chui, everywhere i go i also sleep, slept during work after that fetch dad to hospital for operation also sleep, when he in operation i slept on his bed, he came back i was still sleeping, go home i slept again OMGz pig is an understatement, its more to like.... hippotamus >.<

STARTED my driving practical ytd FINALLY I CALLED zhihong's dad to as for lessons, he dad was a nice chap, explained damn thoroughly, i think i should have no probs with him but i was kinda tired even after all the sleep. and damn SCARY, driving at 40km per hour, u scared u bang the car in front coz the accelerator pedal is so sensitive! i cant ram the car like what i do in camp -.- wait must clear a bit when i testing the accelerator pedal or wash exhaust i dun drive in camp >.<

but shiok sia, i think i only jerked once during the whole gear changing thing, quite smooth i should say =X went one round to taman jurong heng never speed pass any red lights ahahhahahah. i still not familiar with the brakes

i guess after not writing so long u have a lot more to update >.< and u can leave out the boring parts too =D see ya next mth

xD

2007-03-17T15:29:00.000+08:00

One month never write le wwwwwwoooooooottttttt!!!!!
i bringing sexy back~
them other boys dunno how to act,
i think it's special... whats behind ur back
so turn around and i'll pick up your slack~~

rofls i had this song on repeat for the whole month, i duno why also!!!

i got really really drunk one week back and i pukeeeeeeeeeee everything out, all the credit goes to lian jie for concocting all the vodka whisky mixture and making me "ta" or else i "bo lan pa".

but that day before i knocked out i sang shin - tian gao di hou with a girl, she is my choir senior and somehow Flint got to know her and ask her sing with us. Wah her voice i tell u damn power, F.I.R, Shin, Coco Lee any powerhouse u name it she CAN SING!!! wahhhhhhhhh.

Now i shall not sing any xin yue tuan song le, no confidence.

EHHHH, i seem very happy this whole week hope it stays that way.

oh yea, saw leong at base last week also that poor ****er his whole section abandon him and kenny to do the work, but i think he numb already can see in his eyes the ORD MOOD haha 173 173 173! 070907 090907 woOOOhooo

okie... dinner with grandma, but i promise to be back by next week.

ME ME ME!

2007-02-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

200 days more and i'll be free, they should abandon the constitution of enforced slavery! ok like everyone else who have to go thru the two years ya after the two years i see that well if i have to spend two years zhuo bo lan standby for my nation i think its good cause at least there is always someone there to be ready for war... though its such a waste of time zZz... so its up to the future generation to sacrifice, till the day someone invents killing machine and all kinds of war machine to replace humans in war we have to suck thumb bah.

I was talking with sheena the other day and she said i was wasting my time taking A levels I got mine diploma and i should just give a shot to take Uni direct, but prob is TIME and MONEY, I got a lot of time and very little money, so I think while I start swimming in the world of finance i should at least refresh myself with some A level stuff, i'm already getting dumber in the army and I scared i get dumber doing sai kang for the salary.

Besides that, I really really lost in the stock market now, everything to me is new.... how do i predict the direction later i really have no idea... the market forces have changed a lot thru out the year, and i scared i am entering the market with blind faith... there is so many ??? on top of my head now i am really scared to invest, i dun even dare try. but thats not me, though the risk is four to five folds more from previous years I think i should give it a shot, it might be a decade of runnings, like the 90s and since that the global consumer market has grown so much it might be quite a while before it stagnates.

ARGH brb. i go play battleship first seems to lost aim of what i wanna do. Back from the game of battleship... ar yes... 200 days sianz can do a lot in 200 days or nothing at all, i should start working, a lot people already done...

1. Driving license(after CNY)
2. A level enrolment(march)
3. Java
4. Researching on the market
5. Maybe help ZX with his investment

V FOR VENDETTA

2007-02-14T02:41:00.000+08:00

YES IT IS V DAY!!! V FOR VENDETTA
I SWEAR I"LL STAND STRONG, I SHALL NOT SPEND A SINGLE MOMENT IN MISERY ON THIS DAY.

COZ TODAY IS V DAY AND I SHALL SHOW THAT I AM HAPPY WITHOUT U AND ESP U. I AM HAVING MORE FUN THAN U AND I DUN NEED U LIKE U WANT ME TO. TO ALL HEARTBROKEN FELLAS, U DUN NEED THEM SERIOUSLY.

CODE OF ARMS:
HAVE FUN.
FEEL HAPPY.
DRINK BOOZE.
PARTY.

TONIGHT AT PHUTURE, WE WILL ROCK THE HOUSE DOWN.

(all the above are written in a semi conscious and drunked state, pls dun take this seriously)

the bottle of thoughts and words broken..

2007-02-06T22:29:00.000+08:00

IF thoughts were the ocean, words is the sky why are they all trapped inside my heart my universe... In search of it all there are words that never come out, muted even before i could say it but here it goes:

dad: i always hated your guts hated your ways, but i guess u always wanted the best for me even when i knew it wasn't the best for myself. Please let me go, all the way alone i'll show u what ur son is really made of.

mum: u're the person i love most in this world no matter what, though i dun wan to be a christian esp in ur church, i have always respected you the most, from u i learnt to persevere and learn from hardship, thank you all this years for supporting me even when I failed.

grandma: I owe you a big debt of gratitude, without your support i'll never be able to live properly always tormenting my ownself unable to live on my own, i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

aunt yasmine: I always reluctant to thank you for all the financial support u have given me thru out the years, its not because i am not grateful but is because i want to repay you back, i will thank you for your help but I am determined to repay this debt.

aunt helen: thanks for helping my dad even when i feel he doesn't deserve it, I will work hard to ammend my ways, but sadly i wont be attending your church anymore because its not a place i seek, i am not a person who follows advise but one who makes decision base on the situation, I am not suited for church nor its belief.

peter koufu: i'll try to fix ur guitar. Sorry

Juns: it hurts to see you in pain always, I worry for you always thinking how u will be each day, but i know i cannot be by ur side cause I am already gone, the me that love the old you, all gone... time just numbs the pain and though I am ok with you already, sometimes your actions remind me of the past.

Junz: you're a sweet girl capable and intelligent and at one point captured my thoughts and attention, though so, i think we are buddies, mp3 and gunbound buddies, haha we would go to each other on advice on the opposite sex and all, I think i had a great time hanging with you always IRC and Gunbound and ya the genting trip Sorry if i was a bit childish back then but i knew i lost the moment he gave u the present on the sec of midnight to ur bday :P

Chriz:you are a very busy man. do take a break sometime and find a girl worthy of you, and pls dun scare her off ask ibby for advice =P, brothers always.

Marv: i respect you for what you are and what i have seen you grown up all this years, though we play dota a lot, what i really want to say is dont chat with me about the game, its like i haven't drown myself enough in it. anyway i was just joking about knowing ur cousin, i forgotten her face long ago, though i maybe very xia lan at times and u very tolerant, I will definitely stand up for you like u always did for me, ahha if got people like that time bball wan fight with u i sure kaobei him back.

Flint: fuck u, i think u need to wake up and get past that relationship, not only u changed a lot, I think u becoming a shell of your past, though i never said this to you, I think you are very manly with your stubborness and insistance on your ways but pls dun blind your own sight further coz i think u r deterioting yourself this way. But i also see that u r very strong already, ya girls suck but thats becoz there is no ideal girl in this world bah... every1 is evil muahahaha

jin min: i am jealous of you, you are well off, handsome but not only that you got a very xiao zhang tone, but i used to it la, ur normal way, the reason i keep on suaning u is i really jealous and i know u damn xiao qi, life's a joke rite dun take it too hard laaa.

cheng yi: though u r the same gang, i dunno why i always need to tolerate ur behaviour ur too obvious violent play during bball and ur attitude bah. but i admit i also a lot of xiao dong zhuo la so we are even.

aye chan: i felt betrayed up till today, but i know its all my own thinking, i just wish u the best with her bah, i still feel the same about her... as in what i told u before u met her, but nobody is perfect and i know shes perfect in your eyes and i am just a lump of shit but i really hope that u two wont forget that mutual friend of urs.

yi jia: i'm glad we are still talking though u already knew, u deserve much better and dun be too hard on yourself, if you dunno what i am talking about i almost confessed my feelings for u before ur A levels but i let the thought go away upon learning ur patch up and i supported u anyway.

germzy: ur damn special to me i dunno is it becoz that time on irc or coz u give me a lot of positive impression. would want to get to know u better as in like real life friends instead of everytime on the net.

kat: i'm sorry i'm out of contact with u for a few years, ever since that scouts-guides camp i was scared i would be closer to ur friends than u coz u were very quiet so in order to not make it more gan ga i just chose to disappear until u were older bLeahx i miss you a lot.

michelle: that day at the guitar ensemble performance where u sang solo, u truly are the first to melt my heart with that song of urs.. My heart was thumping thru out.

sue lynn: thanks for all the inside info, i think u r beautiful with a wonderful personality nice knowing u.

pei qing: you're a very sweet girl, i undoubtedly regret that I did such a foolish thing in sec 1 in front of the class, and end up in between u and ibsen =.=~ but i guess half of it is also that ibsen's fault, pushing me to u. but ya la i very stupid la.

jane: not much to talk about except that u have been a great companion in the jw42 gang. wish u well and dun take my suaning to heart >.>

angeline: u are a very innocent person but i have been so evil to say so much bad things about u >.> actually its not very bad la but everytime i make it until like u r flint's friend not ours >.> also poking fun at flint la. i think u r not bad.

jessie: i dunno why everytime i talk with u, i feel like we are flirting though we aren't! u must have a very sweet way of talking and i was just playing along, coz i overheard ur conversation with other guys and ya same bah. Sorry i forgot ur flight >.> feel so bad... hope u enjoy sydney and study hard ok... i got a feeling u wont have a prob fitting in :) there a lot of hunks ;)

fay: i was attracted to u year 3 of poly though i damn hum and obviously not ur type. to me ur too pure and i was too evil but u always insisted that u r a meanie which until now i dun think is true la, i hope all is well in melbie and cant wait for u to grad.

leonard: dude, u seriously need a new lead guitarist la... i really cannot make it... i can intro u a lot of peeps but i think u know quite a lot also, thanks for believing me and trusting me all this years, i did let u down but u have always been forgiving, so guilty i am that i think u need a new guitarist!!!

eeyang: same about the guitarist part, and sorry i dua u twice already, do well in your studies and hopefully time flies and before u know it u come back with a wife from taiwan ahaha

joon chye: sorry i backed out last min but i hope u understand, i dun have the cash to be ur partner. really damn sorry.

andy: I think u r smart cunning and very good at talking, I was ok with u until the day mao yuan sms me something that was meant for u to see and i knew straight away u backstabbed me though i dont think u knew, sorry if i didn't let my guard down after that but i didn't harbour any hard feelings thanks for all the advise that u have gave.

mao yuan: eh bro wtf are u doing these days, still with that girl ar haha

ok... think i stop here its two hr already and i cant recollect everything from the ocean. It takes a lot of courage to put my personal thoughts up like that and i hope if u were to shoot it down, think first... i may be right or maybe i am wrong.

Eh whats up with me

2007-02-04T15:54:00.000+08:00

is this the sign of aging?
i sleep a lot recently, get tired easily, and i forget things very easy too. Recently my poly mates got a KTV outing not only i confirm with them, on that day itself I totally forgot about it until the night after that... really cmi lo....

then yesterday worse...... my poly friend was flying to aust to take her biomedical degree... and guess what.... i forgot all about it, and end up 1 hr before she was about to depart my friend call me.... omGz i am a real klutz. Playing dota somemore =(

ok, i really dun feel like myself recently, i dunno if its the money issue or is it the ORD issue but i am getting a little too bo zhup about stuffs that i usually take note. I am just floating thru life aimlessly haha.

alrite thats all

IN THE ARMY~

2007-01-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

Wow cant believe it, my peers are clearing their leaves etc... 1 19 working days 2 40 working days and i still got 190+ working days >.> why why i enlist so late. should have gone to ninja get tortured until like fuck =X

ok besides that, i like to applaud to Thais for playing on despite the very very bad refereeing decision they deserve a draw but oh well think their better thru out and playing on a different level though I feel singapore team work very hard harder than the thais, skill wise we gave them too much ball and many bad passes. I must say the penalty was excellent.

Must pray for the courageous singapore fans who are going up to thailand this sunday, may u come back in one piece and if u dun blame it on that poor referee who stands there for like 10 mins.

okie, leave the rest for another post.

2007-01-28T11:56:00.000+08:00

>.< i couldn't login to blogger.com for like days finally thanks to mozilla firefox, IE sucks.

Well after my outfield, i am back to work like usual. But there are quite some changes. my IC is going to training cadre, a new guy is taking over and he happen to be close to me, along with a new 2IC. haha shiok now got more people to share responsibilities with.

Maybe i dont talk much about work cause I am in the military but well at last friday's dinner, they were all saying my 2IC and how he one person manage the whole workshop. LOLX, i was a bit eyesore cause he a little zhuo bo lan and I was clearing all the shit, but hmmm if they say like that means I have contributed a lot for him to get so much credit. Now my camp reputation in base is the highest, always has been but now its at a all time high.

Besides that, I am finally getting the ORD mood. No more exercise to ORD lolz now just sit there relax in front of the damn com.

I decided to quit gaming already, I have spent too much time on it and its getting me nowhere, this year I'm going to start studying. use it on something more meaningful.

ok before i eat back my words, i find that i have too much time to kill >.< ok read my java book =.=

VINDICATED

2007-01-19T09:38:00.000+08:00

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eyeAnd roped me in

So, mesmerizing and so hypnotizing, I am captivated, I am

Vindicated

I am selfishI am wrongI am rightI swear I'm right

Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear

Like the diamond in your ring

Cut to mirror your intentionOversized and overwhelmed

The shine of which has caught my eyeAnd rendered me

So isolated, so motivated

I am certain now that I am

Vindicated

I am selfishI am wrongI am rightI swear I'm right

Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn up the corners of your lips
Bite them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever
Defense is paper thinJust one touch and I'll be in
oo deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Vindicated
I am selfishI am wrongI am rightI swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Like hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

(Nice song, let me slip away :) )

Wah!!! =))))))

2007-01-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

OMGZ! i cant believe it, i click on friendster's friend of friend which is randomly selected users who are my fren's friend and pop come this girl that i look and look and seems very familiar.

somemore she not even third stage friend's friend completely out of my circle lor. Then the more i look, i go msg her....

Yii Xue wrote:
> Hey are you angela, the one grad from SP, haha sorry if not cause i think u look like her.

She wrote:
Yes.. i am her. haha... =)

OMGZ! thats like i hit 4D. coz u know how i know her? It was a dare between me and my band mates to ask her number.... i think it wasn't me who asked but i commented something like she quite hot then my band former bassist go ask her.... wahaha! i did chat quite a few times with a in SP after that, lolx but i lost contact with her until now lor coz i replace her number with another angela >.<

Besides such luck..... I am suppose to be in camp now but i just finished my theory test.... and wah1!!!! i passed!!!! so lucky considering i read only 78 pages out of 120+ omg omg omg!!! =X ok la cannot hang around liaoz must go back to camp for KTV and beer drinking. Wow Army really shiok haha.

the philosophy of life

2007-01-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

this is probably for myself to read and learn, (sounds like gp)

what is it like to be human, u eat u sleep u play u study, basically u are just living in whatever way that the human colony has structured it for u. Unlike ants, we have a lot more freedom and a lot more space to travel. With technology we are truly global, u can know instantly whatever happen in one part of the world, fly there in a concord jet or contact a associate there with telecommunication devices.

But even with all this power at our fingertips, are we still an worker ant, trapped in a colony system that is far advanced and to them ants as big as the galaxy? I do not know, maybe we are really masters of our own destiny and to succeed and find true meaning in life we must work hard up the social ladder, in all sense of logic and fairness. But is this fair, when u reach ur mid life, and suey suey u lose ur job? whatever u work for the past years in your life all gone. and whats left is a dead end job with sucky pay or go out and venture the world on your own.

What happens to those guys at the top, those who couldn't stop the oncoming crisis, the board of directors, the table of wise man, they either lose it all, stick thru it or sell their company shares to else where, well suck thumb, this is the way of life, the most popular alternative route leads u to communism and a life of greys, white and black.

So this is encouraging people to be entrepreneurs setting up buisinesses, but who is going to work for you, those who are deprived of even a slight chance of doing so. Well there u have it, leverage... money for time and effort.

I always had this thought, what if one day man wont work for money, well first of all to trade you need goods so u end up with a lot less stuff just to get ur daily meals, second, all those accumulated wealths with all the zeros at the back would be worthless, whatever they have leverage since the beginning of currency if any family tree had these incredible streak would be worthless, the banks who made a fortune out of every1s saving would start trading gold again, woo. ok that will never happen, so my conclusion is we shouldn't be feeling bad about it and lets stop worrying about money.

Money is essential in your life but there are more important things, like love enjoyment etc. Life is simply and experience whether u r rich or poor, sick or healthy, u enjoy new things, u do new stuff, u enjoy living another day, for the more unfortunate ones, that do not have the money to do their dreams well they just have to settle for something less. or much much much less in some parts of the world even not being able to live.

so now we have talk about time, effort, experience, love what else is there, maybe thoughts ideas etc etc. I like to summarize my point and my views of life. Life is a capital, u spend time, money, effort, buy experience, facilitate love i wont say buy. sell thoughts, ideas, etc FOC maybe? In the end who gain? Well all, we die with the experiences and sweet memories along with the bad ones, maybe even making a name for ourself in history remembered by others in the living, but will u remember ur everyday work and everything u had wasted to gain... nah.

What money cannot buy is priceless, =) for everything else there is ******card. (pls dun sue me :( )

2006-12-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

Cheng yi, Chuen Ming(face covered) -.-, a very cute teng yong and the adorable jane
Chervon KTV room
Eh, new year is coming, so here goes my new year resolution

1) Kill more ants
2) Catch more cockroach
3) Croon at more cats
4) Look at more lizards
5) Hear more dogs bark

ok i was just joking,

1) ORD without any trouble
2) This year die die must paintball, hmmm electric blue basketball o.0~
3) Change my blog cover and interface, picture blog all the way!
4) DO THAT F*(*@)$!)@*( java program that i always wanted
5) Work 24/7/365
6) Stop Dotaing
7) Quit Smoking
8) Patch up with chansey
9) Train that flabby fats of mine at tummy
10) Sing xin yue tuan - duan le si nian hitting all the high notes

Merry Xmas

2006-12-26T03:13:00.000+08:00

Kat's christmas gift, a bracelet chain

If u ask me i had fun for christmas, i think it was yes to all the nice food and ktv room and no to how we count down, in a huge room with poly students playing stupid games and I really cannot take the host of the show.

First we went to UIC building for chris's bday celebration on christmas eve it was fun and got one guy can really sing lor, the power and depth of his voice awe everyone sitting in the two rooms, had a nice dinner at the restaurant, got peking duck, abalone, and the crab + some other stuff soup dunno was it sharkfin, then cucumber packed with some very nice feelings inside er mushroom with vegetable, yi mee, some kind of cream puff, aiya all very nice to eat one lor lols. I sang till my throat got sore, third time i tried xin yue tuan - duan le si nian and the second time i failed in reaching the high parts zZZz that one must really on form then can sing.

after dinner and everyone left, we went to cineleisure find my friend's poly club to countdown, it really wasn't fun, the host is damn gay and i cant stand his speeches, after that we played pool and after awhile we went upstairs to emax to play lan, that was how i spend christmas morning, though i did ate a delicious beef bowl at yoshinoya.

Post with a lot running thru my mind

2006-12-24T02:15:00.000+08:00

A little update, my camp mate also not staying in so i not that guilty now, so its back to happy times in camp haha. Other developments that i am facing is a possible transfer back to base, I will go man if i have the chance, no longer like the place.

Went out with james and his gang of army friends, i smoke one cigarette but i guess i sucked at it, damn i very long never smoke, i didn't know why i did but then I just felt that I had to try and I was already a bit not alert with the drinks, while smoking that one cigarette, i felt very depressed and was quite sad for i dunno whatever reason, I just coughed up whatever i inhaled, I used to be better last time.

With them, although it felt meaningless, we enjoyed our time down there. We just talk our time away, pouring out whatever things we could say inside the army, haha i waited till 2 a.m. before i sang my first song, shin- yi liao bai liao, i sucked and it was the main hall with many people but well er i didn't care. Talked with our company clerk for quite long, i felt a bit sad for him, want go shatech be chef but no money to study, life is just unfair for some people, although i felt he wasn't mentally stable but i understand it had to do with the background he grew up in, he gave me the very gangster gan jue but so did james, and i still been able to mix with them, not that they are influencing me but because I feel they aren't bad charcater bah just mixed with the wrong crowd when they were young. I feel they are more gullible than what i am now.

Memorable moments: Watching an Encik play pool with my friends, my friends getting to know the waitress, i almost puke with a stomach full of delicious chicken wings heng ar! never.

on to some other stuff, I had gone church last weekend, attended my uncle's service, he is the pastor of a small church in geylang, with lots of korean members, er ya. some quite cute koreans girls there too but no not interested. Anyway talked with him about christian faith, god's plan for all of us and science with religion, ok, the following might be a little controversial but please dont rape my tagboard =X

At start he ask me to take a prayer to recognise god as my lord and saviour, i refuse to take as i said i wasn't ready to accept. I quoted some stuff from my mother's church like how religion and science couldn't go hand in hand, like how darwin theory is bullshit as God creates man etc, i am middle on darwin, i feel the odds of us evoluting to this stage is like..... certainly less than 1% so if we did, i must thank it all to the first intelligible tribe of monkeys.

Second, as i am into particle physics and relativity theory, I just dont see how I would fit into the church if i were to believe in god's plan for all of us, what if one day a human were to manipulate the fabrics of time that we called fate. Wouldn't he straight be condemn and cast to death for interference with god's plan? now that itself is very subjective, and maybe due to someone's perception and actions this course of acitons may never happen.

Somehow my memories dont serve me well, and i am unable to continue saying but on the whole i felt something spiritual when i was there and i think it was no coincidence that i met Christopher's mum after coming back from church.

She told me her experience with God and how one of his man a nigerian pastor healed her backbone problems with a touched of his hand and many other miracles he peformed in the indoor stadium, dont think she was bluffing me as she had no reason to, but on the whole if i were to accept the lord as my saviour, will I be able to follow his guidance or end up as an antichrist in the house of the lord.

Actually i have no plans for the after life as i already sort of given up living this life. My fear is not death but the emptiness in life, but the irony is if i were to live my life meaningfully i would fear death then, taking it all away. Oh ya, speaking of which I saw an ad put up by an elderly home one bus stop away from far east plaza 190 route, talking about death its quite interesting, do read it, it talks about how every1 had one thing in common and that is no one can escape from passing away, how we seek closure before we passed on and no matter how important was wealth power or fame to us, our family and our loved ones are the ones that matter to us most before death. Find it quite meaningful but i forgot the whole contents, if u do come by it just read it.

Its been quite a meaningful week, to those that haven't condemn me and still believes in me i thank you, for all the support and encouragement, for all who did sorry u saw that side of me, but i saw that side of u too.

a little bit of disregard

2006-12-16T09:22:00.000+08:00

With my excuse from staying in, I think i have become the second biggest villain in my section for chao keng. Its ok that i post to external units, its ok that i Siam almost every single shit that base, its ok that I am a key personnel and my warrant very take care, but when so many people stay in including my camp mates, =.=~ i feel bad that i siam it.

But what the fuck man.... My reason is valid, i really need to buy my dad food everyday as he cant walk. Since i already bought it up I should just forget about it. :P Now all that is left is six pull ups, sorry cannot sing KTV everyday with you guys

Yesterday while playing bball, i felt lost. We were playing 4 v 4 and although i was in the team, I just stand down there looking at them play, my team even without me won, but i felt useless, keep on turning over to the opponent. I just end up standing there passing to them, not even marking at all. It was like i suddenly wanted to go home and sleep. haha super no life lor.
End up i did go home to bring the chee hwee to my dad.

Yesterday someone told me that my dad feel worse fighting with me, Maybe thats true, maybe not i dont know, but i never see him walking to the ten floor and just look down to the first. Probably i'm just weak and he is strong, or maybe my freedom was depended on him last time i dont know which is which. Anyway its all in the past now, my dad cant even fight with me anymore, so i gotta take care of him, but somehow I still never want to get too close, another friend did warn me before that i may regret later coz his condition like can never improve liaoz.

When i hear you cry, I felt like the clock turned back time...

wEEe

2006-12-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

First of all, i like to say THANK YOU TO MY GRANDMA... wah my room is so tidy now.... i REALLY like staying my room after 21 years of living in it. I just wish i stay in now and not mess up the room. Trying hard not to touch a single thing except this computer. haha.

Second of all, OMG i am old. I can sing oldies and old alternative rock like nobodies buisiness, i can actually KS all the tracks that nobody else can sing =P. I am a young body with a very old soul aHha!

Third, I get drunk on two glasses of alcohol... but i manage to gulp another one down later without the effect la...

Lastly, I guess finally after listening and talking to junsy, I realise my importance to her but I realise how much diff i treated her now from last time, haiz

Dont look back in anger

2006-12-07T18:13:00.000+08:00

Slip inside the eye of your mind

Don't you know you might find

A better place to play

You said that you'd never been

But all the things that you've seen

Will slowly fade away

So I start a revolution from my bed

'Cos you said the brains I had went to my head

Step outside, summertime's in bloom

Stand up beside the fireplace

Take that look from off your face

You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by

Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I heard you say

Take me to the place where you go

Where nobody knows if it's night or day

But please don't put your life in the hands

Of a Rock n Roll band

Who'll throw it all away

I'm gonna start a revolution from my bed

'Cos you said the brains I had went to my head

Step outside 'cos summertime's in bloom

Stand up beside the fireplace

Take that look from off your face

'Cos you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as she's walking on by

My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I heard you say

So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by

Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I heard you say

So Sally can waitShe knows it's too late as shes walking on by

My soul slides awayBut don't look back in anger

Don't look back in angerI heard you say

At least not today

=/

2006-12-05T18:52:00.000+08:00

Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself and they gotta be true.Come up with another 5 false statements regarding yourself.Jumble all of them up and list them in any order.Post in your blog and let people guess which are fake.
Get 5 others to do the same.
Among these 20, FIVE are fake. GUESS!!:)

1) I'm a very lousy basketball player, my favourite skill is the 3 point shot.

2) I play the guitar, piano and violin not forgeting the xellophone

3) I'm very protective of my friends especially those close to me, but i lose faith in friends easily too.

4) I cant remember all the people in my contact list *_* esp. girls hp no. =X

5) I will go around my camp shouting ORD LOR!

6) I have a black belt in aikido judo and karate. 0_0

7) I am a extrovert-introvert you will never know me complete unless i let u so. but i can make friends with almost any1. enemies too =)

8)When someone betrayed my trust i will weep on my bed, when i betray someone i wont blink an eye.

9) I procrastinate a lot, sounds familiar. =X

10) Liars are the number 1 person on this earth i hate most, -.- something to do with my childhood.

11) My dreams are to work in a multi national company earn big bucks and have a stable family.

12) There is a place on earth called exeter that i wish to go and live for a while.

13) I am a computer idiot, when my computer spoils i call other people help me fix.

14) I love beef hor fun kway tiao and spicy soup, any beef even medium rare one are savoured too.

15) I am critical of myself, but as age pass me by i know what i have to do but i just dont care, cause life is short for me to worry too much, just let the problem pass you by and time will settle the rest.

16) provocative efficient but mentally not stable, i believe that there is such thing called resisting fate, but usually u end up digging ur grave.

17) a panda, needs to sleep a lot to get rid of those fuking eye bags but i dont seem to be able to sleep enough.

18) likes the outdoors =) esp. roller blading and basketball. Inverse Abseiling pls!! =)

19) I want to sign on the army its a career to die for.

20) I am a very boring person, i dont know how to strike up conversation and i speak less than 500 words everyday.
Choose 5 People to do this too:

Flint
Germzy
Fay
Yi Jia
Leong

Joke of the day

2006-12-04T16:05:00.000+08:00

today my warrant went to find the camp commandant, ask about if leave i need come back, he told my warrant he was only just joking, maybe i also hear wrongly la then i go punish myself -.- so i came back for nothing on sat and sun. BLeahx

today on the way back from camp i met yi jia caught a glance of ehr on the bus, i alighted the bus and wait for her to walk to the bus stop. hahahaa damn funny lor the way she ask how come i am here :P anyway i caught her on a bad day, she was still feeling the leftovers of yesterday alcohol, never ask her if she puked or not but she wasn't in the mood to talk anyway. So i followed her all the way to jurong point, could tell she no mood to even entertain me lor, fly down the bus and run liaoz, anyway i caught up and tried to talk lor, but she wanted to shop alone cause i was bothering her, so i ended up eating beef hor fun alone x_X yesterday i at meridien there eat spicy beef soup korean one alone also, all my favourites haha.

anyway after eating i remember AH KAT was in jp working, so i walked around lor i forgot the shop name but i remember her face, anyway saw her but she didn't see me dare not go in also cause all womans wear, then i met yi jia, she still picking shoes, haha told her the black one but she called her friend to help her decide, so i called her along go find ah kat, wow kat pretty sia, was talking with chris the donkie then ask kat say hi to him lor haahhaa my mei mei very tall!!!! near my chin level liaoz :)

after talking i followed yi jia walk around bah, that girl gave me the slip as i was looking at those accesorries for handphone omg, the studs on hp damn pretty sia, one day i gonna pimp my hp.
I guess she aint the mood to walk around with me also bah so i went back home, hmmm this girl is reminding me of junsy =/ one way or another...

I still am a stay out personnel

2006-12-01T19:20:00.000+08:00

Today i almost cried, wtf... but i ended up laughing. Lost my camp pass last week, see the biggest fuck in camp... he show me his previous camp pass that expired 5 years ago and said to me that i should put all my things at a place.

I now have to serve 5 weekends of december book in, plus 6 days of leave burnt and book in on christmas day... but you know what, i still can stay out. So i dunno if that is a good thing or bad. But its ok i already plan to ask my warrant help me a bit, so i just suck thumb now. sIghz i never thought i will be this cork.

like i said look at it positively... so what if i stayed the whole of december, just losing whatever freedom left that the army has not taken mah. TAKE LOR. ORD LO!

Everything that is unsaid

2006-11-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

No matter how hard my life is now, there aint a single thing I going to complain, just go thru it get it done and move on.

need a little positivity, coz there is no point looking at the past hoping for a better future but let go of it and start aNew again. How i wish i ORDed already and be enjoying with my friends. haha must start saving up on $$$$ fuk man i spent finish 560 already. eh i stop complaing le la =X

yay! tml go shoot canadian bulls, go cook them grill them and eat them medium rare! woohoo~! off to dota

The road down...

2006-11-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

long time never update already haha things have been going around lately and i just cant find the time, for two weeks i been fucking stress about the audit, OTed till the sun went down everyone left the workshop just to get the paperwork right...burnt my saturday even but i guess my mood is fuck care liaoz, someone high up there came back just for this audit and show everyone that he is working, hahahahaha.

I think everyone in my workshop sian liaoz lor, for the three days since the start of audit i been doing nothing waiting for them to start checking the paperwork, but seriously i dun really care anymore, cause end of the day no matter how much effort i put in, someone is going to take the credit for it and that someone is the one who did the least during the preparation only come back to carry people's balls.

No matter how high his rank is i still give him attitude lor, the workshop can do without him seriously, if i go back to base, the paperwork sure cork up again one lor.

Now, onto other matters, lolz went see the grudge 2 last sat, scare myself only damn it... but ok la the movie was quite good... ending everybody died... zZz movie endings just gets darker everytime, went dinner after that, i found out that my gang nobody even the two gfs before guy know how to entertain girls. ZzZzzZ. We ate silently for 15 mins while i was recovering from my shock of that horror movie. Then only i was doing the talking lor.. dun have much to talk also cause yanling, one of our friend dun really know our gang la... so i keep talking about this Flintstone and all his embarassing stufff lor... i think those two have something going on hmmm.. lolz anyway i talk until running out of ideas that si flint still talk to me about games wtf.... the two ladies he asked out were obviously bored, i just errr change topic again lor... i wish there was someone like ibsen around, the positivity of any grouping, if not for him i would have been one boring freak too. bLeahx

talking about the gang of JW42ians i think we are falling apart lor, got the dota faction and the basketball faction... we just cant seem to be doing both unless it was a big occasion. It would be real sad if we parted like that, fuk man if only everyone can be more cooperative.

last sunday i rode to shujun house, wanted to teach her how to ride one but she so busy, then her friend called up i ended up watching utada's concert at her house.. lolz utada is getting fat le, sighz i guess i also bah =P Anyway saw her bf pic, like quite old like that leh but not bad looking la. His photography skill is amazing, must say can fight with shuangz.

haiz i guess i'll never be able to fulfill another promise i had made to her last time bah but oh well i can continue suaning her about her balancing. =) went riding around the estate... went to the old haunts the jw42ians frequented and i just love the road without lights... completely riding in darkness haha....i wish to go to changi village again on my bicycle all the way from jurong.

never felt so alone in my life. i wish for a snowing december. =)

WOW STRESS LEVEL VERY HIGH AR

2006-10-31T18:40:00.000+08:00

OK, IF THAT WORKSHOP WORKLOAD ISNT ENOUGH, NOW THE &@*#(!%&#!(%* F(@$)*@ CONTRACTORS want to start a war with the NSFs from mtline, and I kana caught in between, I really want to explode already LAR.

Next week audit they still play like that, let the workshop burn down also better lor. f(*&()&(*@.

I am going to serve and fuck off. Thank You. Next week i'll have fun.

Having Crappy thoughts of suicide, damn u all.

2006-10-29T15:21:00.000+08:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleepsand I'm the only one and
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah,
Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah,
Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah,
Aaah-ahAh-ah, Ah-ah
I walk aloneI walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleepsAnd I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

mellowing my life away

2006-10-23T16:05:00.000+08:00

my october really sucks, everything is against me, is as if my life is a joke, i feel so used, so tired and so depressed. I have nothing to do at home, i am piled up at work in camp, and it seems like all my friends have their own stuff to do and i feel damn lonely. I dont know if i have the strength to go thru it but why am i suffering, why? I hate growing up.

life sucks as an NSF

2006-10-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

My workplace is getting sucky, my boss going to ORD and he is heck care about the workshop already, but today then i saw his true colours, lols he can talk cork with the auditor while I the auditor told me about the procedures that i was suppose to follow. He say he hands over everything to me but what am I... just an NSF what, and he never even tell me the proper procedures cause he doesn't even know them and for nothing I was down there lectured, lucky the auditor was kind and his tone wasn't very harsh but I was very upset because most of the mess was not even mine to begin with.

There is one more audit next month and I am just going to slam him and my sir liaoz lor, nobody really teach me what the hell to do i'm just folloing orders, though i enjoy the freedom of not having anybody breathing down my neck I only here for 5 mths and I'm doing a senior regular's job. If I was to screw up, the one who answer wont be me lor, just feel very unfair that he goes for all the offs while i down here doing his shitwork.

Pay me 2.9k pls.

Friday the 13th

2006-10-14T09:37:00.000+08:00

wow, i couldn't have been more unlucky on friday the 13th, had a stomach flu, my tummy was pain like hell vomitted and diahorrea a lot, I had this intense pain that i just curled up on the floor and kick everything around... while waiting for my mum to fetch me to the doctors my body began to feel numb, i couldn't walk properly as my legs were numb and i had to be pushed in a wheelchair out of the house.

On the way to the doctor's, my numbness became intense, i couldn't feel the pain in the stomach anymore but my heart started to get numb as well. My mum drove me straight to westpoint family hospital where the doctor put me on drips and gave me a painkiller injection, he said i was dehydrated thats why numb plus cause of the intense pain, just a bad stomach flu haha wtf.... the medical bill was 160 dollars haiz sad.

went drinking the day b4, i'm upset with my dad, everything with him has to be negotiated, he just cant cut slack, i wanted to update my blog with his wi fi connection he said he has a lot of problems with me using his laptop and he doesn't want me using it, 30 mins ago i was already using it when he said he let me use lor, I dunno wtf is his problem but i am just very upset for my whole life he has been like that lor, i'm not a fucking donkey so pls dont hang carrots and use a stick on me... asshole. I'll be glad that one day if i am really truly independent of him.

thats all i have to post, it has been one very lousy week.

cont from where i left off

2006-10-05T00:10:00.000+08:00

ar yes... i ate a lot that day.... felt sick after that zZzz haha but ok la still can go home... 2p.m. i received a sms from flint sianzzzzzz planned ruin...

yanling didn't come so all our planning and efforts become wasted, cannot let them spend some quality time alone... haha after that i kana chased around plaza singapura la... jin min go sabo me... hahaha next time dont be mastermind liaoz...

hmmmm played bball on sunday.... omgz my shooting drop to below 10% liaoz lehhhhh sucksssss i can only defend and snatch ball liaoz... whole day marked flintstone that tall guy we push here and there like nobody's buisiness he too tall la i sian lor...

oh yes monday suay sia.... wanted to report sick outside warrant told me to come back came report sick... omgzzzz all the personnel reported sick that day thats why.... he a bit dulan la heng i come back...

ok i go back home liaoz paiseh using flint's com

my weekends and a dream

2006-10-03T18:26:00.000+08:00

went malaysia with yj and yn hmmm haha is good when there is a malaysian to show u around the place, and yea those two really good shoppers, i was tired out by the end of the day.
went around trying mooncakes... actually i really didn't want buy one but then after tasting them i couldn't help resisting myself. =X

oh yes... pLS take UR WHITE CARDS TO the causeway -.- they dont provide the cards anymore... Zzz yj had to ask the custom officer for one after another one rejected to give me some. oh yes... NSFs dont need apply exit permit for one day trip !@~$%$%$

hmmm when u go shopping with girls, its not the from point A to point B to point C then mission accomplish lets get teh hell out of here.. they like to window shop a lot, meaning you get to see a lot of things haha... and they chat a lot more than guys so zZz I just hear them talk lor... hehz er this lanshop sucks i kinda lose the mood to type... *disappears*

my weekdays

2006-09-29T13:29:00.000+08:00

On Monday, I couldn't sleep much coz i was waiting until 12 on Sunday to sms someone but i end up sleeping until 3 when i suddenly woke myself up coz i dreaming halfway and i suddenly realize it was someone's bday :P

I had a boring day at camp and i wish that my instructor had let us off earlier but oh well....

Went lanshop surf web play one game of warcraft... lan peeps are noobs.... i got my highest demon witch score first time ever...

I went EMO that night and I think I said some stuff which i shouldn't say but glad nothing like what happen few years back happened. Sorry =Xx

Tuesday and Wednesday I still felt like dying, thinking about being rammed down by a car and everything, I whole day down there EMO lor... lolz i think one of my camp mate really wanted to whack me up but you always get away with it when they know u r a karate, aikido judo martial artist. Chansey... show me ur tkd, we have a deathmatch bah just to settle it all.

While i was in that mood, someone really cheered me up... though she doesn't know it... I think that her cheerful smses really rub it into me.

Thursday was really my day, =)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
pjc girls are hot..... ok, STop being a pervert. But its glad to be back at camp and its really heaven down there... Feeder, i'll kill u if u send me back to hell. :P Went bbdc to apply for basic theory...

Today Half day so i am back in ginza plaza haha ok everyone beside me are playing dota so i think i should merge in... buh BYe~

my weekend

2006-09-25T19:52:00.000+08:00

My internet down, thats like wtf man... dunno when i be back online haha, but nvm about that a little update.

It was junsy's bday i was at jp shopping for her bday present and a new shirt, then suddenly she called... hahaha.... while i was in the changing room somemore.. she told me if i could help her get the cake for her... I of course said yes la... told me to meet linda at takashimaya at 4 p.m. which was about 1 hr 20 mins away... i immediately boought the shirt took the bus, run all the way home from bus stop, went bath again, changed, ran down flag a cab and was still 5 mins late =.=~ lolz she really know how to test my timing... and that wasn't the end.... after meeting the two young people... the girl was quite cute... the guy was err... ok... she showed me a foto of the cake and i help junsy pay... bad thing was i had 1 hour to refrigerate the cake...

so i blur blur walked out of taka onto orchard road thinking of how i could reach boat quay in one hour.... at first i was disorientated and didn't know where was the taxi stand but i soon got my bearings and headed for it... VERY CAREFULLY with the heavy cake in my hand.. i went to taka taxi stand to find it crowded.

I joined the queue and called edmund... hoping that he could give me a lift since he stay orchard but luck has it another sad fella has saturday duties... so i queued for about half an hour for a cab to boat quay..
after reaching i had some problem finding the restaurant but manage to found it... after that my hand was already shaking and i went to mac to have a drink and cool down.... i walked a bit and got to admire a sculpture by salvador dali.... nice piece of work.. even for an arts idiot.

That girl is always late... i think i waited for her one hour plus but i manage to get something from funan for her... >_> end up buying the same stuff as her close sisters... when she finally came, er i blew balloons for her and help decorate stuff, i didn't mind doing all that but i was uncomfortable with her parents around....

hmmm i didn't know anybody down there and her relative came early so i practically was down there speechless for the early part but after the rest came it was much better... haha i 1 year plus never sing KTV liaoz so i didn't sing finish a song cause i forgot them all....

I went back with fang and lei lei after that... fang was nice, she offered to send me and lei lei to dhoby ghaut... where i met flint and marvin... i felt bad leaving so early but er i think i very extra lor her jiemei will the only one there..

sunday i went blading with flint and yanling... lolx at the two :P flint kept falling at the start he basically speed too fast and couldn't control turning while yanling couldn't control going up and down terrains... i ended up coaching the two of them but after i taught flint how to turn he could go smoothly liaoz just that while we went down a slope he turned and banged into a bicycle and a fellow roller blader who turned out to be his friend LOL! hmmm i didnt fell down once but i was damn slow with that fucked up blades. nvm that i enjoyed ECP thoroughly and next time i shall go there blade again :)

After blading i almost fell like fainting.... suddenly my body esp kidney was aching and i felt giddy, temp shot up..... haha i had a hard time coming back from bedok... hey i go play dota laters :)

Sup peeps....

2006-09-23T14:24:00.000+08:00

internet will be down for dunno how long, my dad had been using the houseline to fax and chalking up a lot of call time so when he clears it then i will have my internet back... anyway i am at a internet cafe now and the com really sucks... i cant tag on my own tagboard...

yyh: i thought u say it was free consultation x_X

anyway on thursday i had diahorrea for 7 times stupid mee siam, make me in pain for the whole day. I the whole week sick for three days already >_>.

alright dont think i have more to write =x

kelly clarkson - whats up lonely

2006-09-20T14:34:00.000+08:00

"What's Up Lonely"
OoohI'm gettin' kinda close to you
Like a shadow I can't lose (he-ey-ey)
You've been hanging with me everyday (ay-ay)
Now your getting in my way-yeahh
I know you understand me
But don't you think that maybe
It's time to move on
What's up lonely
Seems your my only friend who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What it gonna take
For you to leave me alone today
Just when I think that your gone
Your in the mirror looking back at me

So whats up lonely
Sometimes, i wish you weren't by my side,
can't you find another shoulder cause i wanna leave this broken heart behind,
we're both waisten to much time
Find someone else to rain on,
i'm really gettin tired of singin this sad song
whats up lonely, seems your my onlyfriend who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
whats it gonna take
for you to leave me alone today
just when i think that your gone
your in the mirror lookin back at me
so whats up lonely
don't wanna give you a reason, to hang around anymore
you won't be hurtin my feelins
if you find another broken heart you can lean on
Gotta go, gotta move on
Gotta go, gotta move on
just leave me alone
What's up lonely
Seems you're my only friend
Who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What's it gonna take?
For you to leave me alone today
Just when i think that you're gone, yea
You're in the mirror lookin back at me
So what's up lonely?
Gotta go, gotta move on
Gotta go, gotta move on
Hey, yea, hey
What's up lonely
Seems you're my only friend
Who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What's it gonna take?
For you to leave me alone today
Just when i think that you're gone, yea
You're in the mirror lookin back at me
So what's up lonely?

I finally get it..... =P

essence de vie

2006-09-19T11:04:00.000+08:00

2 DAYS MC... =D nothing can be better.... but i really sick la... the flu bug is killing me. So bored have to wait until 6 before flint and chris can pei me play dota... sucks when everyone is in NS and u r left all alone.. junsy is out with sarah and i cancelled lunch with yj, coz i better not infect A level students with flu bug later cant study. Lolx how abt those NTU NUS students =X

I cant really think properly now due to the medication... my body is cold and my head is hot... the only person online chatting with me is angela, hmmm if i am the boss one day i going to block out the msn port... really wasting working hours =xX not forgetting all the web msn sites *evil*

watching muse video on youtube... they rock... SING FOR ABSOLUTION, a very nice piano piece... the band lead singer is also the lead guitarist and the pianist a very talented guy indeed.
the drummer seriously rocks(stockholm syndrome) and the bassist just makes u crazy repeating hard riffs at 160 beats per min(hysteria), not forgetting songs like plug in baby, apocalypse now, newborn and feeling good... ok i need some sleep now :)

totally pissed

2006-09-17T03:16:00.000+08:00

i better clarify something before it becomes bigger, if u dun like my stand then so be it, I aint gonna apologise cause I never intended to chase ur gf and I had regarded you as my friend. To think that u would fuck me in the middle of the night on msn just becoz i told ur gf to inform u to come for my bday really pisses me off.

dude i already told ya i was talking with junsy on the fone.. and its been mths since we last had a long conversation so yea i maybe guilty of not informing u direct but do u expect me to hang up?

the jurong east incident, hehz i call ur gf cause is her first week at creative and i happen to be there coz i was having thoughts of visiting my dad, i ask her out for dinner and she told me ur there... if i hadn't ask her how would i know u would be there, its not like i ask her out for a date, she's my friend too and i was interested to know about her work at creative...

last point.. i'll be frank with you.. i haven't be organising anything for a long time, in fact i'm sick of it... i try to organise one big group last time with all my friends for bball and they buay gam here and there... i rather not organise... marv and jin min are doing the shit job now, so dun ask me why they never call u, i only be present whenever i can, and i hate playing gooseberry with you two =P

and ya if u r pissed i cut off contact with you n her, ask urself why. u r the fucker who msg me what i want 3a.m. in the morning after pissing me off on msn, what else can i think of huh?

feels alive and dead

2006-09-16T18:07:00.000+08:00

i finally felt awoke but i felt i am dying... i awaken from this shit routine that happens everyday between camp and home.... awaken from how far i am from my goals and dreams and everything thats eating me away... and i feel i am going thru a slow decaying death.

less than 1 year left from ORD... and i have not move a single inch on my java programming... it has been dota dota clubs pubs movies night outs and everything... when will i finally do what i really really want to do....

the stress i feel at work really numbs me.... i have not worked so fucking hard at any of the temp jobs and to endure the rank difference really sickens me... everyday i come home i just want to throw everything down and relax..

i need a change of hobbies... accumulate wealth, free myself from all the problems that i am going to inherit from my father after ORD and really find something that i love to do. I'm not going to conform to society and end up 30 years older and barely surviving.

i may not have the talent, i certainly do not know the know hows but i am willing to learn. I will never want to eat my words... the past maybe cruel but its over. :)

update 2

2006-09-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

on sat 2nd sept, yea i celebrated with my cousin, haha my younger cousin getting prettier sia, but sadly she in jc1 of the special stream program so is currently unavailable too bad! =P then my elder cousin also quite pretty as always but er dun think can intro bah 3 years older haha =X

well i watch my uncle recording of premeir league highlights, i got a feeling england really buang their world cup sia, go back premiership all kick so well.must be the bookie buy them like siao.

anyway after the buffet i went my friend's chalet... hooked up with chris, wow spotted another girl who plays guitar :)~~~~~~~~~~~~ but ok la think i can play some songs with her. But chris was the main man of the show, his guitar skill really better than mine a lot zzZz but good la we sing and he play chinese songs... most i haven't heard of =x After that i got a bit drunk cause of the stupid grape wine, then i went sleep a while woke up played guitar with chris again, stockholm syndrome by muse go search that up on youtube... electrifying.

we stayed over until 3 plus then all fell asleep i slept until 7 only cause i went toilet and came back to find my space taken up by two person legs -.-~ so yea......

on tuesday i went back on course, it was great to be back and yes we were slack slack slack =) do nothing only take in the information. Can tell that the instructors there damn pro better than my camp people 100x... ask them anything also they know one... after lessons we gone home early haha =) slack slack slack!

well skipped to saturday... i played dota the night before till 2... zZz woke up 7 in the morning then went back sleep till 9 went all the way to marine parade to see my auntie, met up with yong hui she quite tall now and she only pri 4 i think she taller than me when i was pri 4... went shopping with her and my aunt wah stress ar... that day was my birthday mah then my aunt everything also wan buy give me, shoes ar jeans ar long pants, they are damn ex lor... i 1 mth the most can only afford one -.-i tried not to buy as much as possible but then must give her face so did bought a few lor... haha 2 shirts 4 shorts 1 jeans and a belt... that is for 6 hr of shopping i think i hold back a lot le lor... i really pity pri sch students wah lau eh their sat is tuition or study one leh.... last time i also never like that... only at home read books on my own or watch tv...

i think among all my cousins i enjoyed the most freedom and the most independent =.=~ all my aunts worry for me... help me wash my clothes and help with my room =.=~ i really am quite fortunate..

anyway after shopping with my aunt i met up with my friends as i had treat them to dinner at coca... was happy that i could return to the restaurant after so many years.. haha used to go there with my parents when i was young cause we and a hong kong couple always went there to eat... i love the food there and i always wanted to go back to eat.. haha glad i could intro it to my friends too... i was quite happy that day cause i could thank my friends who been there and done that for me...could have called more but sadly i dunno wtf that guy wants. nvm after that went see show with the guys, junsy went for fang's bday while yj went home due to some personal matters... =xX too many guys is it? well watched the breakup, nice show indeed, teaches u the Donts in a relationship had a sad ending but i guess it ws still sweet esp they met years after that.

monday went NUH with dad he couldn't walk well so i had to take him for checkups he insisted on driving there and he nearly bang the car in front of him coz his leg couldn't hold the brake pedal zZz i told him to take taxi next time.

Today i came back and almost wanted to puke he shitted on the floor all the wya to the toilet... heng i didn't eat my breakfast and lunch and dinner or else i would have puked it all out... spent time cleaning it up and i couldn't stand it i had to gaggle my mouth and washed my nose to get rid of the shit smell.... ZzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzz i ended up going downstairs to get some fresh air and bought a h2O to burp out the gas..... fucking disgusting real damn fuck up.... but boh bian he cant walk so cant blame him =.=~

updating

2006-09-11T12:49:00.000+08:00

been trying to forget how pathetic my august end so i wont write in here! must thanks all my fren for tiding me thru that time. My sept rocked. Literally. Sept 1st: read my RO and happiness, i was on course from 5th to 27th woohoo slack slack slack! Sept 2nd: Went for my friend's wedding, first time at a malay wedding, the food was great and actually i find the environment better than chinese wedding coz got a lot of open space but yea la not as grand as in an hotel though...

after that celebrated my birthday with my aunts and grandma at her house. ate a peanut chocolate cake... then had buffet Went Woey Perng's chalet after that and stayed over.

need some sleep... update again later

if thats the way it is....

2006-08-26T11:12:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed. First he dun wan to pay my karate fee, fine i pay for june to sept, now he say i pay to clear his account first and that mar to june also haven't pay so i go pay. wtf la i am a NSF eat me until like that. I dont even feel like going for karate anymore lor. Thanks to him I left with 10 bucks to tide me all the way to next mth. and now i going to tide out the next month and the next. F him.

just getting rid of that depressing post

2006-08-23T11:42:00.000+08:00

i dont want to see that post everytime i come here.. zzZz should delete it off i think. Failed my ippt today, pull ups three.... gotta train harder but i dont know when to start.. didn't even wan to go today if not for that siao sergeant say die die must go... he ownself also siam push me go. I nearly failed my shuttle run, felt breathless and almost asthmatic, i play cheat abit go spray two puff inhaler and got 10.0 sec o.0. But I fall out for 2.4km coz I didn't wan to pia when i walking only a bit breathless, run sure out of breath.

think i gotta go... take care all. =)

a bitching post

2006-08-05T17:33:00.000+08:00

well instead of bitching on my life i shall bitch about global events.

who on earth is the president of the united states, sending hundreds of thousand of american across the atlantic ocean into a political hell hole called IRAQ and worst of all on a pack of lies, Saddam collaborating with al qaeda, iraq WMDs capability intel supplied by traitors of the regime, every1 knows not a single soul in iraq could be a CIA spy, u probably considered a turncoat rather than a middle eastern spy for the United States of America.

Change the life of the iraqi people? yes they bloody hell did. attracting every possible suicide bomber to that country. trying but fairly poorer than the last dictator to contain the outbreaks of a civil war in iraq. oil contracts? they sanctioned and the new regime cancelled the old ones awarded to china, russia and france.

This is no home base of the al qaeda, this is just an oil rich country and yes busy yourself with the takings while another of your enemies declares their WMDs.

life.

2006-07-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

as if i am cursed not to complete another single book of fiction story in my life, i am reading another John Le Carrle fiction novel, 2 years after i completed my last fiction novel... another John Le Carrle book.

went Wala Wala and Double O yesterday, sorry arh yi jia, u finding me but i go this kinda place x_X then u cannot come along. Well at Wala Wala, yes its official. the government has killed another happening scene with the enforce no smoking ban in pubs. All the non-smokers are basically stoning and no one was cheering for the band >_> the singer also sian diao lor. One thing about that place... the fucking songs are not my typeeee. although its rock, its one age of rock that i never hear, in between 80s and 90s, the dark age of rock. then i played scissors paper stone and hei bai pei and cai quan with flint's gf... omg i kana kuan zui by her sia 1 glass of beer and three glasses of cocktails. heng chris and chengyi helped me drink some.

after i kana kuan zui, flint gf drove us to double O, i was damn drunk and i felt giddy but i still can walk straight coz of my martial arts background i think, heng i kana kuan zui and not i kuan zui her, she was DRIVING AT 120 - 140km/hr =.=~ then somemore six people in a car a neighbourhood police car drive beside us and keep staring inside lor.

double O was ok, the dancefloor is cramp. haha can only move my feet around where i stand.
shared three jugs of vodka with the gang, oh yea they are cheng yi jane angeline flint and his gf. all of them already high, i was super high haha, was dancing with flint's gf but then that guy keep staring at me coz he so tall behind her.. so i like zhi dong move away from her... =.=~ then dance with jane and angeline and cheng yi lor. i danced non stop for 2 hrs stopping when the dj transits between songs with lame out of sync beats and some rap songs which i totally cannot appreciate for a rock fan!

after that we went home. flint was totally drunk that day he couldn't even stand properly after that. i had to drag him into the car. 1.97 m guy so heavy somemore. and yes i damn gan chiong at her driving. she gone 160km/hr this time and fuck i can tell she lagging abit but heng la she zai. drunk still can drive straight only for the part when she got confused where she is coz that chengyi dont know how to give directions to his house. next time i go chiong i get a driving license and i drink orange or ginger beer >_> I SWEAR!

To kat.

2006-07-26T22:39:00.001+08:00

time flies by while feelings stand still,
cant help remembering, but forget i wont.
of what seems like eternity of a distant past
felt my heart melting while it last.

cute as you were, with childish thoughts
i couldn't stop laughing at some things you sprout.
daily we gathered in the channel till the sunset
in each others blossom company did our time spent

your presence exuberates me with joy i must confess
with innocence and youth, we were blessed
but with age passing, domineering i became
to protect or so did i thought overcame

to help guide you thru the rough patches
i thought i could help
but i couldn't be there for you or anyone, those years that past after that were quite sorrowful for myself. I was withering away and I just locked the past memories and toss the key away. To live and let go i painstakingly taught myself but well i still miss you, the one that i see as a little sister.

somewhere under the weather

2006-07-21T22:19:00.000+08:00

went to eat at jurong east with chansey and laura yesterday, had a rip off unoriginal japanese eel bento set, i think japanese association one is the best =P well i ate finish in like 5 mins coz i was really hungry and the only meal i ate that day was at cookhouse scan card government paid meal. Then well chansey and laura slowly ate=.=~ so er yea i started talking and talking and talking, the neighbour was staring at me but i just didn't care. chansey is now a script, and laura is a dunno what kind of post with creative good sia, i still cannot work outside yet.

i wanted to go off early but then we like talk for an hour and end up i never visit my dad at hospital. went to see him today la i overslept in the bus and end up at bukit merah interchange, the size of the interchange is so small that i didn't know where i am in singapore. Paiseh sia...

i played bball with jin min and gang ytd. again that xiao zhang kia yabadabadu flintstone bought his gf, and he rejected me twice, take so many rebound, make us jump like idiots and play like a star player. But nevermind i manage to reject him once! ahahaha. but i still got trashed by him 7 -0 =.=~ he never give chance... 1.97m tall bully short people.

today suppose to run but end up taking out the roof of the back of 2 trucks so yea escaped the 14 km run 20 km cycling and 10 km swimming triathlon hahaha =X

Project Xanadu

2006-07-15T12:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to ECP to run again, 14km... wtf i never ran that long in my life and worse of all i overestimated my stamina... i ran too fast for the first 7 km and was left with a soring feet for the last 7km.. I almost flew into the lake when my right leg crammed and i couldn't drag it forward, the guy running in front of me looked back at me and a girl behind me ask her friend what was i doing super paiseh sia.

Anyway about my nick, Xanadu is a vision in a dream, written by a 18th century person, Project Xanadu was founded by Ted Nelson in 1960s and was suppose to be a hypertext model which have is capable of processing multiple version of a original piece of information, however it never take off and instead we have the world wide web or internet.

What i felt about it is that like my own project, haha i guess it will never take off and i will end up with the worst case scenario, so somehow i have to minimise the objectives and create a simpler version like the worldwide web, Ted Nelson idea was original and inspired the creation of the internet but he never got to implement it because of the few objective he set out to achieve with his project, which ended up driving him to bankruptcy a few times.

>_>

2006-07-10T01:37:00.000+08:00

sighz went karate today but i was so freaking tired that i like no ki... cant even execute my movements properly and it so lack energy. and furthermore she enver came for a second week. i wonder if the other time she greeted me farewell coz she was leaving singapore.

i stayed up whole night for soccer... good match, the german Schweinsteiger did scored two of the three goal and setup the portugese midfielder for an own goal.. portugal did score one good one with a Luis Figo cross.

went for my friend's bbq today, seriously i didn't like it one bit... haha dont know why all of them are kinda of selffish and i and leonard were the only one doing the cooking!~!~##^%! they play rank somemore >_>

everything we talked about was about our lives in *tootz*, feel like escaping back home. but overall the treatment we got from edmund's family was great haha dunno leh kinda like their family big and nice :)

well well off to the big match now.

anything just insert here

2006-07-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

been busy in front of my com lately, visit my dad also, he looks much better liaoz but i think the antibiotic is making his leg swell... probably eradicating the bacteria nothing to worry abt.

lots of polymates bday are coming up, my band's vocalist and the class top guy, haha going clarke quay eat at a restaurant >_> guess i need to give a huge ang bao liaoz and bbq at friend's hse in orchard rich bastard.... two storey bungalow in CBD area.

hai! i dunno how i going to celebrate my bday sia.. the thought of it is like huh~ every year also sucks lor this year should be no different bah.. last year was the worst.. in a bunk with 11 strangers coz it was early days in my bmt.

the only thing i know is i dun wan to celebrate it with my dad. every year pang sei me.. haha with mum is the best... she cook me so much food to eat >_>. enough of that... anyway whats there to celebrate... going to adulthood liaoz greater the age greater the responsibility.

hmmm am i too da nan ren? some1 commented before that my future gf sure is xiao nu ren =.=~ haha being rebellious during youth doesn't mean that what... who knows later i scared of her instead... why am i thinking of such things.... be bachelor best =P

oh yea haha nabei i think my gambling account for the world cup is win one or two bucks nia... >_> lost money on germany, so become even again. Not betting anymore liaoz. Just feel like enjoying the game.

to be recorded for future reference carter scratch is a thumb strumming and plucking of the lower strings... fuzz pedal rocks if wan buy distortion pedal thats my first. oh yea seaweed is soften in soya sauce, so make sure i cook rice instead of noodle this month thats my aim!

thats about it, all my junk in my head for today is dumped =)

ooh wtf i going to be broke... forgot about fu-ge bday, omg jin min also~!!!

No mood

2006-07-06T01:28:00.000+08:00

Germany lost, my dad is in hospital and i cant wait for my long weekend... i really dun feel like dragging myself to work. Took half day off today, didn't want to see any1 or talk with any1 at work. i think its like they wished i wasn't there so that they have less problem with NSFs and i wished i wasn't there to kill time. hehz. Thats whats happen when u try to mix professionalism with mandatory force labour >_>

besides that, lolz been smsing yijia this morning, dunno why but i feel that when two eccentrics communicate, they elevate to a higher level of thinking =.=~ :P maybe its a different dimension altogether.

speaking of which, i been reading up on spanish inquisition, photon mass, relativity and quantum particles. i can only say that power corrupts even the holy, photons are weightless, relativity is a paradox and quantum particles are quantum particles la. omg i feel like i am in kindergarden.

someone recently asked me why people go commit suicide, i really wanted to answer her that its becoz they are driven by circumstances and that surviving is just a form of torture. But i held back and said it was on impulse.

perception to a society thats define by humans means fitting in to a certain extend. Those who cant fit in or those who perceive himself or herself to have failed in achieving raison detre tend to commit suicide. As humans grew powerful, power itself define us. the basic satisfaction of survival isn't enough for our keen and adapted senses. to survive means to gain power, to work for a goal, if u are deprived of this rights, the sense of the word survival doesn't hold any meaning anymore to u. thus that...

another common way of evading suiciding is to reject society, to go back onto animalism and survive for the sake of surviving. Preception of everything changes and usually one can never revert back to recognising society as it is before, but over time one can regain the rights to gain power, one might consider conforming again to it.

So be happy with what u have, u are definitely biting into one of societies greatest pitfalls if u persue too much.. but then again whats there to lose when u are already surviving in this world.

i tend to screw up everything

2006-07-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

is it coz my brain functions in so many different views at a time or is it just that i cant focus. I dont know, i found that i suck at keeping conversations and i dunno why... pls chansey haha enlighten me on my fubarness.

its a critical fault that i think so much and forget even more... where did my memory went, it wasn't that bad last time =( i'm getting old.

being sunk into mediocre doesn't help either, hehz... going to feel depress.

having an inferiority complex and becoming anti social.

the lack of dependence has created a distain for dependence. The deep seeded hate for whatever major bad things that happen in my life is poisoning my conciousness. The only good thing that i find about me is that withdrawing into such a state has put me in such a suspended animation and i just dont care about social acceptance, radicalising my thoughts and giving me once again a crystal view of social structures in various states.

have i confused recognition with love? recollecting back on my previous entry i think love is a mixture of emotions and actions, different to every individual interpretion. oh well, have i nowhere to go in live and end up lifeless on the internet.. what is my reason of living? am i searching for it or have i abandon it and gone fleeting in the clouds.

am i a psychopath? i am i think...

hEEe

2006-07-02T02:04:00.000+08:00

had a great friday, went for half day off! haha finally after one month i go off for just once.
then after that met sjunz out for a nights out at night safari! haha both of us first time there so we like blur blur one... at first when we were going in, got some1 gave us a ticket and tram ride coupon.... so heng lor >_>

we walked around find atm, coz both of us never draw money before we came... i really fail at being a guy =X then we both walk here walk there finding one until the entrance staff told us its at the zoo.. and UOB sucks there is only POSB and HSBC, HSBC got one there why UOB cannot have.

so after that we went back to buy 1 more ticket for admission, met shirley from jss at the counter.. what a coincidence haha she like still her old self talk a lot =P Then after that we had trouble finding food... the night safari restaurant was closed for renovation and the freaking tram ride dinner cost 195 per person OMGZ that makes it one of the pricest dinner in singapore and min. is 15 people =.=~

end up eating bongo burger, the performance was great but the food not so. they had some fire dance and fire breathing performance nice atmosphere it feels somewhat out of what u normally expect in singapore.. haha everything there is like more for tourist although there were locals there too. after dinner which was about 10 oclock then we went in.

The tram ride was great, the guide was very long winded but i guess she's like that coz she been repeating the same thing for like dunno how long... the ride thru the safari was quite dark and remind me of my times in tekong... going thru the wilderness in pitch darkness... sjunz was quite scared of the dark but hmm heng she never freak out that night...

i guess the best animal we saw was the tiger, they look quite majestic and full of pride.. lol plus the stoning elephant stand at one corner and gaze into dunno what.

er how ar?

2006-06-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

daaaamnnnn, why why why? haha. Today in karate, one of the cute jap girl bowed and greeted me farewell... NOOOOOOooo now i feel like asking her out... i guess its normal for their customs but er... u r sending a lot more than a farewell to me... bLeahx

ran 10 km on friday, it was a killer i tell u, the first 7 km once i stopped for water another time for the toilet i almost couldn't continue jogging. Well might be becoz i watched the world cup match the night before, might also be i am getting unfit. Last time i probably run without any kick but now its a killer haha..

But well after i came to the mark where i knew i got the stamina to fly about 3 km from the end point... i started opening up.. i was using upper thigh muscle from there on and wow i overtook a lot of people... nice feeling to it, its like i was on nitro while the rest were on gasoline.

To think that my legs were still ok for karate.... haha any1 want to try my kick?

on the origin of language

2006-06-20T00:39:00.000+08:00

"for if men needed speech in order to learn to think, they had a still greater need for knowing how to think in order to discover the art of speaking."

our perception of the world comes to us by knowledge, thru communication and experiences in our daily life. Our mindset is determine by factors that appear in our everyday interaction with information... Would u know what is sex if u never came across the word? how about atom? UFO?

This words open up a new dimension for us, who would know what an atom is like if the ancient greeks didn't start thinking of everything as elements, earth fire water wind and wood. hmmm wonder if i mxixed it up with the chinese elements. but anyway, we humans are what we are thanks to all this ideas.

Isn't our life as simple as go school interact/study come home? work and get paid... live and pass off.. why do some words like "cool" are so seasonal, changing with time and culture. Why the need for all this extra dimensions. Is it because "they had a still greater need for knowing how to think in order to discover the art of speaking." this sentence that advocate the need for this kind of words because of the difference in the way 7 billion human beings think.

And by far, aren't most people drones then, if they hadn't invented their own words and are living in the boundaries of the language.(meaning we are all replicas of a common pool of knowledge thru speech and communication.) Maybe everyone aint so different afterall, held together by marriage, democracy, god and country so just to name a few. =)

nothing much to update

2006-06-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

had one very boring week as nothing even happen, everything was just repetition... stay up late see 1 to 3 matches daily... stopped betting on world cup as recently my predictions are way off and i fear of being burnt. still got a nice profit but er no... not bettig until last 16 at least.

other than that, for the whole week i played only three dota games, thats good... should be able to quit soon.

world cup 2006

2006-06-14T05:32:00.000+08:00

With one group left to play, i can say that this world cup wont be won by brazil unless ronaldo and adriano are on form... czechs are the favourites for me, followed by netherlands and argentina.. oh dun forget germany, if only they replaced that fucked up defender. But so far only czech looks more zai than brazil maybe cause they were playing the USA.

waha.... this will be one of the easiest month to pass and i think i will enjoy it thru out... oh well sleep will be the last of my concerns though... just hope i can avoid punishments in this fucked up state.

world cup account balance

2006-06-11T13:22:00.000+08:00

after betting for five matches, i won four out of five but still lost 1 bucks.. zZz wasting my time haha... the match i lost was the sweden match.... damn the 9 man wall but its all good... i love the way germany kicks :).

anyway after betting so many matches i feel its impossible to get the cash to play shares so i'll just bet for fun and worry about that later.

went for chris OCS pass out parade, swee sia the parade, they march real well haha, congrATz on joing the ranks of officers chris

recurring dilemma

2006-06-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

what in this life do i live for? what are my goals? am i just one of the rest who aren't able to fight against systemetic pressure to get in line and end up living a life that is in line with the governance of capitalism, of consuming and producing with no further means and abilities. Indeed i yearn for power, the power to change but i do not know my place. i'm just procrastinating, watching everything go by waiting for all other possibilities to collapse and let the system drain me out.

i somehow wished that humans would bring about its own demise, but i guess thats not for me to wish for or answer, a 7 billion population is indeed hard to control and i guess that as the system runs longer there are bound to be more entropy and i guess that money is fair in the sense that u can buy some worldly freedom with it and that those without it either work for it for the rest of their life or strike it big. It concerns me though that money is without a backing. if ur nation fails the paper becomes paper literally... so nations will have to assert their might in other ways and world war II might repeat itself. then again when u are poor, u cant even conquer ur neighbours so i guess the phrase the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer does applies.

fuck it, i'm sleeping thats all of my thoughts

PS: i aint no communist

my unspoken condemnation of DOTA

2006-06-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

i shall speak! fuck it, i think i went lan lots of time to play dota, drain all my resources and give me temporary satisfaction... heh, besides that the click i hangout with aint a click... we behave like some dota association zzzz.. ok la sometimes when i sian its a great way to kill time la... but wtf its no life lor... to hell with it lah... all the players on lancraft are fucked up... in fact most are kids who are just beginning puberty and have a lot to learn about growing up.

ha i shall change my core activities again. this is totally not worth it even for the brotherhood or whatever shitty terms they call packs these days. lancraft pple just have to grow up. i pity those who are spirited and get condemned with them all.

my k750i

2006-06-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! they replace it!!!!! haha my hp suddenly couldn't on last tuesday and i went to the service center and after three days i got a brand new set =D I think they just earn a loyal customer. Anyway been busy this few days, scanning thru newspaper and internet for world cup info..

haha i think i'll bet heavily this world cup, boh bian need to get closer to my goal of stock trading... hopefully i dun get burn and still have enough to eat for next month lol... btw to those who are thinking of trading... most likely the market is gonna cool ever since climbing to a record high so prepare for a bear market.

haha i think i going to start planning for my next 10 years.... since i sOoooooooooooooooo much time now, might as well do some wishful thinking. Have a couple of stuff in mind now, stock trading, work in petrochemical industry, foreign studies(subject still a big question mark), work on my guitar skills, grow old and die alone, i guess time is motor and work is the fuel, my stock trading is the research and foreign studies is the technology and my personality is the steering wheel... omg, i do need a better steering wheel >.>

regards,
Mr Fubar

test

2006-06-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

x men 3 plus DHL and chance meeting and met a girl~!~

2006-05-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

wow i slept thru the movie... its worse than the cartoons... jean grey wasn't hawt and what the hell Xvaier was still alive at the end... and fuck magneto still have his powers

went out with polymates for movies, ate at ajisen noodles quite nice haha must go back when i got cash again.. okie... after that went home straight to kunz..... yesterday played mahjong till 3 a.m. at chervon, went for chuen ming's birthday haha quite big and i think it was a great success! damn i was short of one zhong to made the 13 wonders! "shi san yao" but ytd quite lucky hu three times out of 9 games...

sorry if u guys are puzzled with what i write coz i sort of jumbled up all the timelines..... lol i want to sleep very badly, anyway i went out just now to send a package for christopher to bishan, haha he had to book into camp and he needed to give his "target" her bday gift so i volunteered to go! DHL boy at ur service =P anyway on the way back on the MRT, saw edmund and his gf! hahahaha what a coincidence that was the second time in the day i met him... found out that she was in stage A DCHE and edmund that bastard so pro, took the initiative to chat with her on graduation day coz she was sitting beside him and after that dated her... omgz! thats like power lor haha sad... i so si bai..

last but not least! on my way back i saw a girl, that i thought was shujun carrying a guitar *_* but couldn't be her haha sj so musically dysfunctional =X juz kidding... but ya... if u read one of my previous entry the 7th point of what my dream girl should be, i think she totally mesmerize me for like 1 and a 1/2 station..

Done some blog formatting

2006-05-27T01:56:00.000+08:00

cool getting the hang of css stylesheet already but wonder if its mozilla friendly, anyway now u will see everything, i purposely left the right side blank to have a better glance of real mayar's face =D Ergo Proxy is nice.

now i will concentrate on a clip and how to get rid of the blue banner, probably changing background too, unless i get the glass shattering effect by editing some java GUI script =x

escaping the lion's den and meeting a chao keng master

2006-05-25T19:14:00.000+08:00

WAH today damn heng ar! escaped the lion's den sia... I was arrowed again to go for the althletics meet... damn unlucky lor... ran again came in last... my face also dunno throw where and imagine this, my event was in the afternoon and i was to report at 8 a.m. sharp.... lol the IC wasn't even around. I went home after that and that was 2 + . But the good thing is i didn't report back to 3dsmb today!!! the CSM is evil sia... posting already decided can change one >.< i hope i still can go stagmont camp brb DOTA time

track meet and meet a track

2006-05-23T02:19:00.000+08:00

damn.... i got into a track meet coz of participation in a run last week and boy couldn't i wait to regret it... I put 1500m as my main event and guess what..... those runners were frigging fast i over paced myself from the start and tried to maintain third but i couldn't take it, felt giddy and dropped out.. i nearly wanted to puke my breakfast out... lol not to mention now that i guess no one will believe my 2.4 timing is 9:35...

i later got arrowed for a second event... my legs were already tired from the 1500 and the 100m sprint i did last week... along with the weights training i ran on last tuesday... as i reached the finishing mark, my legs were crammed and in pain and the only thing that helped me finish was thank goodness its just 400m i came in last but well at least i can complete =x

I went ice skating after that and wow, i felt very good.... damn i got a feeling i chao keng during the meet, still got energy go ice skate but hell i really got probz after the 1500. I skated below average, but i guess its natural to me already, unlike someone who was struggling =x but also quite good la.... laura only fall down once cause i and chansey dragged her too fast.. before we left, laura said a girl was smiling when i passed her... =.=~ i guess it was just coincidence la... even if she was really smiling at me i also wont approach her lor... she looked like sec sch kid...

haha for a period of time i skated alone as those two were trying to get laura's boots tied correctly i remembered everyone i skated with... i guess the worst was wei fu, fall down until sprain ankle, the most memorable hmmm... lol =x but guess i only have memories to treasure coz i wont ask her out for ice skate again. the funniest was jin hao, with his lost balance action and cutting zig zag across my lane.. the bravest is definitely chris.. first time so fast already.. the one that i most want to forget is that i skated whole day only to end up falling on my last round and kana laughed at by my friend and everyone in the rink was staring at me coz i fall damn drama..

alritez i guess i go off sleeping liaoz so bored 2 a.m. in the morning

Every brand new sunday

2006-05-21T15:22:00.000+08:00

seems like sundays are the only day i look forward to,

monday - book in, new work week
tuesday - boring
wednesday - ar yes middle of week
thursday - get it done and over with
friday = slack like fuck and wait for time to book out
saturday - out with friends, movies, lan and other stuff....
SUNDAY - KARATE, STAY AT HOME, SLACK and WATCH TV.

saturdays are fun but sundays are better, I been like watching movies and lan for the past 8 months ever since i entered NS and it became like a chore, DAMN IT i want to chiong but not enough money to get me high... fuck....

but i think i can afford to chiong every month at least 1 weekend now, since i getting my corporal pay, must cut down on DOTA... wtf i think i played too much... everytime i see the golden +100 it gets me high... i'm really outta my mind..

Seeing the graveyard of books in my room, I saw the time i wasted on the computer for the past eight years maybe even 10 years haha... i haven't even finish lord of the rings not to mention william shakespeare.. ok stop all the complaining... its time to act/react... i have 1 year 4 mths of comtemplating left and this is the best time to turn around..

I just wanna thank Laura for making me more self-aware haha no more time to kill =.=~

Never turn off ur firewall

2006-05-14T21:23:00.000+08:00

Just fixed my com, installed a new graphics card... thought i played DOTA on it and try owning every1, yea i got OWNED.. I off firewall and guess what, the trojans on my com max out the bandwidth i dunno what it did but i swore that IT updated itself.

Some popups start to appear and later my CPU usage shot up to 100%.... okie worst case scenario... so i disabled the network tried to fix the problem, even went DOS on a witch hunt for "system files" i delete delete delete, reboot com, poof! all the files i deleted are back again... The wonders of startup applications and the miracles of programs self scripting.

so ok... since this will lead to this then this... i got to the root of the problem... heh administrator tools>component services... for those who aren't familiar, all startup files are listed as services in administrator tools so u just have to disable the startup files that are viruses and viola ur com is free. hehz... how i know what is what... i copied down a whole list of 100 over services from my dad's com -_-.... but it is at least more effective than adaware which scanned my computer and never suspect a single startup file heh.

*sings*
So i'm back, from cyberspace, i just logged in to find it running with a crap load of garbage, I should have changed that stupid com, i should have stopped it with ease, if i known for one second that it will be back to bother me

no more now go, out of my com, just get erase now cause you're not welcome anymore, were you not the one who tried to leave me with no choice, do you think i crumble do u think i lay down and die,

I will survive,
as long as i know how u work
i know i'll stay alive
I got all my games to play
I got all my programs to run
and i will survive
I will survive
hey hey!~

wow.... what a day....

2006-05-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

First off err... i think i need to apologise to juns for tagging her blog here >.<>.> next i need to apologise to every1 who msg me this past few days and i didn't reply on IM... last i wanna apologise on the comments i made about my dad, well i guess we both did what we did and nobody is right or wrong hehz.

Woke up today only to rush to the Sony Ericsson service centre to repair my phone... they said they only give me back on tuesday so fingers cross... i then made my way down sim lim to get a new graphics card.. at first the card looks fishy, but i just bought it, since i saw the sapphire tag...
but then to my horror, i reached home and i surfed the net i couldn't find one sapphire card built like mine and i can only find a similar one made by powercolor...

Felt cheated i tried assembling the card to my com, oopzz.... realise it was motherboard error and that my old graphics card was working.... i tried solving the error, even went around Jurong Point asking for old socket A boards.... thank goodness i took out the battery of the motherboard, to all computer idiots, the BIOs memory is powered by a battery and when u take it out it resets the BIOs...

Well i managed to find a socket A board and the guy told me to bring my PC over, I came home gave the motherboard one last shot, put back the battery on the power, viola! it worked >.> my PC was down for two months due to BIOs error >.> what sorta computer assembler am i.... Well after that it was back to the graphics card... I went in installed it, and wtf! the clock and temperature sensor were not working, it confirmed my suspicions that it was a fake.... well as it was already 8 p.m. and i had to wait for tml to bang some tables, i went surf the net for my model graphic card and found out that the same model but later production had the temperature sensors taken out to save cost >.> that explains the crappy fan they installed on my card...

so i did buy an original sapphire 9600XT just that it is not as good as those reviews.... This probably be mine one and only sapphire card..

oh yes!

2006-05-12T16:46:00.000+08:00

I breach protocol to go online today as there is nothing i could do at home, heh... wait till i fix my com then i aint going to touch this computer any longer. Sorry guys if i didn't reply u on IM as i was banned from using the com by my dad. Hopefully by tml afternoon i would get the Sapphire 9600 XT graphics card and everything would work out fine...

Did some edits to the html, loaded a countdown script to my ORD date =D Now my blog looks more personalised. Haven't add the tagboard yet, i wanted to wait till i redo the whole damn format before i get one so please use the comments for now..

Well, i am off to analyse the world cup teams as i will be doing some betting this world cup, must revenge my losing streak in the last euro cup. If i am lucky i will still have enough to eat next june =X

Totally pissed off

2006-05-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

parents give birth to you, they raise you, they give you life, u should respect them, u should support them, u shouldn't defy them.

haa, I can never respect someone who treats his own parents like crap, never wanting his son to become like him by controling him for his own personal gains. I can never love a father that would want to change his son into some1 other than himself, think he is always right and the only mistake he ever admited to his son was that he was wrong to push his son to the point of commiting suicide.

All this bitter childhood is all behind now. This child has grown up now, u can never change what has happen only whats that is going to happen, I guess u feel threatened, you dont want what happen to your parents to repeat onto you, you try to suppress, you try to take control, but you are old frail and weak, there is nothing u can do. The moment u did all those injustice to me, the moment u used your buisiness skills on me to take control of the situation, u set loose the wrath the hatred so dormant inside.

If only you haven't have to change anything at all, nothing in the past 8 years have to occur. good luck the hatred is still burning.

I am beeing tagged

2006-05-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

according to that tag, I would have to do the following:
- specify the gender of your perfect lover
- list down 7 qualities of my perfect lover
- tag another seven bloggers on their page.(I presume those who have the qualities)
if u've been tagged by me, u will have to do the same thing. (yes i was tagged, i aint a starter of such a blog chain.)

gender : FEMALE

7 qualities
1. adorably cute
2. unfathomable
3. romantic
4. understanding
5. sporty
6. interest in music, no matter classical or modern just dun rap
7. cant think of any so.... able to play the guitar =xX

People
1. gErMzY~!~*~!~*
2. Fay
3. Ibsen
4. Shujun
5. Leonard
6. Eeyang
7. Nite^Lite

wahahaha will progress on with the page construction another day, got to sleep now

Updates 2

2006-05-06T11:44:00.000+08:00

woah ho, its starting to get happening again! Bought my new phone from M1 this week. The K750i haha quite an old model but from Sony Ericsson's white paper (Technical Specification) it should have the JSR 120 that i need for my stocks trading. =D What i like about this phone is that its four years technologically advance from any model of phone i had been using so I'm impressed.

Haha poor me, i been paying my phone bills since 16 and I must give thanks to my Aunt Yasmine who had sponsored me $ 100 - $200 a mth during my poly days otherwise I wouldn't even have money to go out or pay my handphone bills. LoL speaking of which i just realise i am richer in the army then in my poly days hence the monetary independence and change of new phone.

Last Friday was chansey's birthday, went MOS with him and laura, quite cool place love the eurobeat which I needed time to get used to it but after seeing the caucasians dancing I love IT!
The drinks were great too, I ordered two glasses of vodka orange with my free drinks coupon which I dunno why chansey and laura couldn't appreciate. Then we tried Bloody Mary and a few other stuff which chansey treated me and laura. Shiok sia lol I became quite seh but still awake, the floating kinda of feel. We left when laura puked and didn't feel well, thats just too bad
=( ( could have hanged out to morning if not for returning back to camp.)

watched Noein ep 21 this morning and about the parallel universe, i think is just crap though maybe mathematically correct in the sense that.... it could be another dimension thanks to the guy who came out with the fourth dimension time. But i believe someone should just equate reality into the equations and that MASS IN = MASS OUT tell us that we cannot create another universe with just a possibility of a different path.

Time could be a man made quantity, a universal guide to observation, which is affected by the speed of light etc, damn... i think i continue with another post as my thoughts are messed up, i better get another look at the stanford website on quantum mechanics anyway that anime has a lot of quantum mechanics terminology and some interpretation of it so i guess its a worthwhile anime to watch.

updates.

2006-04-30T21:04:00.000+08:00

Lately been doing nothing, pissed with the blog server, just hope this post gets stored cause i hate rewriting again. Like I said, this blog is my thoughts, I just hate the feeling of losing it to time. In another words, i dont understand myself and purpose and i guess the best way to understand myself is through my own thoughts and behaviour no matter is induced by an object or thru daydreaming.

Just watch an anime about timespace, haha the kind of futuristic thoughts like parallel universe and whatever, no matter what it is, I think time is not a matter dimension as in its not a physical dimension but one linked to consciousness, if everything on earth is dead, parallel universe wont exist too as everything does not have a will of its own and a rock will always be that rock and it wont move due to earthquake etc. unless earthquake can also be something that happens in one timespace and not another... hmmm.... maybe like a drop of water which might end up at another location in another timespace... hahaha i am going crazy.

Anyway those thoughts are just fuel for me, a deep desire in me to leave this country, away from this society where even the education is structured for the industry, I hope there is a place on earth that you can really be at the forefront of science, its a place i yearn for and a place where my hunger for knowledge will be satisfied. I know i am no genius of sorts, maybe just a lunatic with an ego but who is to define genius except those who could envision something that no one else on earth is aware of.

Nevermind being unaccomplish this life, the journey is all that matters.