life.

as if i am cursed not to complete another single book of fiction story in my life, i am reading another John Le Carrle fiction novel, 2 years after i completed my last fiction novel... another John Le Carrle book.

went Wala Wala and Double O yesterday, sorry arh yi jia, u finding me but i go this kinda place x_X then u cannot come along. Well at Wala Wala, yes its official. the government has killed another happening scene with the enforce no smoking ban in pubs. All the non-smokers are basically stoning and no one was cheering for the band >_> the singer also sian diao lor. One thing about that place... the fucking songs are not my typeeee. although its rock, its one age of rock that i never hear, in between 80s and 90s, the dark age of rock. then i played scissors paper stone and hei bai pei and cai quan with flint's gf... omg i kana kuan zui by her sia 1 glass of beer and three glasses of cocktails. heng chris and chengyi helped me drink some.

after i kana kuan zui, flint gf drove us to double O, i was damn drunk and i felt giddy but i still can walk straight coz of my martial arts background i think, heng i kana kuan zui and not i kuan zui her, she was DRIVING AT 120 - 140km/hr =.=~ then somemore six people in a car a neighbourhood police car drive beside us and keep staring inside lor.

double O was ok, the dancefloor is cramp. haha can only move my feet around where i stand.
shared three jugs of vodka with the gang, oh yea they are cheng yi jane angeline flint and his gf. all of them already high, i was super high haha, was dancing with flint's gf but then that guy keep staring at me coz he so tall behind her.. so i like zhi dong move away from her... =.=~ then dance with jane and angeline and cheng yi lor. i danced non stop for 2 hrs stopping when the dj transits between songs with lame out of sync beats and some rap songs which i totally cannot appreciate for a rock fan!

after that we went home. flint was totally drunk that day he couldn't even stand properly after that. i had to drag him into the car. 1.97 m guy so heavy somemore. and yes i damn gan chiong at her driving. she gone 160km/hr this time and fuck i can tell she lagging abit but heng la she zai. drunk still can drive straight only for the part when she got confused where she is coz that chengyi dont know how to give directions to his house. next time i go chiong i get a driving license and i drink orange or ginger beer >_> I SWEAR!

To kat.

time flies by while feelings stand still,
cant help remembering, but forget i wont.
of what seems like eternity of a distant past
felt my heart melting while it last.

cute as you were, with childish thoughts
i couldn't stop laughing at some things you sprout.
daily we gathered in the channel till the sunset
in each others blossom company did our time spent

your presence exuberates me with joy i must confess
with innocence and youth, we were blessed
but with age passing, domineering i became
to protect or so did i thought overcame

to help guide you thru the rough patches
i thought i could help
but i couldn't be there for you or anyone, those years that past after that were quite sorrowful for myself. I was withering away and I just locked the past memories and toss the key away. To live and let go i painstakingly taught myself but well i still miss you, the one that i see as a little sister.

somewhere under the weather

went to eat at jurong east with chansey and laura yesterday, had a rip off unoriginal japanese eel bento set, i think japanese association one is the best =P well i ate finish in like 5 mins coz i was really hungry and the only meal i ate that day was at cookhouse scan card government paid meal. Then well chansey and laura slowly ate=.=~ so er yea i started talking and talking and talking, the neighbour was staring at me but i just didn't care. chansey is now a script, and laura is a dunno what kind of post with creative good sia, i still cannot work outside yet.

i wanted to go off early but then we like talk for an hour and end up i never visit my dad at hospital. went to see him today la i overslept in the bus and end up at bukit merah interchange, the size of the interchange is so small that i didn't know where i am in singapore. Paiseh sia...

i played bball with jin min and gang ytd. again that xiao zhang kia yabadabadu flintstone bought his gf, and he rejected me twice, take so many rebound, make us jump like idiots and play like a star player. But nevermind i manage to reject him once! ahahaha. but i still got trashed by him 7 -0 =.=~ he never give chance... 1.97m tall bully short people.

today suppose to run but end up taking out the roof of the back of 2 trucks so yea escaped the 14 km run 20 km cycling and 10 km swimming triathlon hahaha =X

Project Xanadu

Yesterday went to ECP to run again, 14km... wtf i never ran that long in my life and worse of all i overestimated my stamina... i ran too fast for the first 7 km and was left with a soring feet for the last 7km.. I almost flew into the lake when my right leg crammed and i couldn't drag it forward, the guy running in front of me looked back at me and a girl behind me ask her friend what was i doing super paiseh sia.

Anyway about my nick, Xanadu is a vision in a dream, written by a 18th century person, Project Xanadu was founded by Ted Nelson in 1960s and was suppose to be a hypertext model which have is capable of processing multiple version of a original piece of information, however it never take off and instead we have the world wide web or internet.

What i felt about it is that like my own project, haha i guess it will never take off and i will end up with the worst case scenario, so somehow i have to minimise the objectives and create a simpler version like the worldwide web, Ted Nelson idea was original and inspired the creation of the internet but he never got to implement it because of the few objective he set out to achieve with his project, which ended up driving him to bankruptcy a few times.

>_>

sighz went karate today but i was so freaking tired that i like no ki... cant even execute my movements properly and it so lack energy. and furthermore she enver came for a second week. i wonder if the other time she greeted me farewell coz she was leaving singapore.

i stayed up whole night for soccer... good match, the german Schweinsteiger did scored two of the three goal and setup the portugese midfielder for an own goal.. portugal did score one good one with a Luis Figo cross.

went for my friend's bbq today, seriously i didn't like it one bit... haha dont know why all of them are kinda of selffish and i and leonard were the only one doing the cooking!~!~##^%! they play rank somemore >_>

everything we talked about was about our lives in *tootz*, feel like escaping back home. but overall the treatment we got from edmund's family was great haha dunno leh kinda like their family big and nice :)

well well off to the big match now.

anything just insert here

been busy in front of my com lately, visit my dad also, he looks much better liaoz but i think the antibiotic is making his leg swell... probably eradicating the bacteria nothing to worry abt.

lots of polymates bday are coming up, my band's vocalist and the class top guy, haha going clarke quay eat at a restaurant >_> guess i need to give a huge ang bao liaoz and bbq at friend's hse in orchard rich bastard.... two storey bungalow in CBD area.

hai! i dunno how i going to celebrate my bday sia.. the thought of it is like huh~ every year also sucks lor this year should be no different bah.. last year was the worst.. in a bunk with 11 strangers coz it was early days in my bmt.

the only thing i know is i dun wan to celebrate it with my dad. every year pang sei me.. haha with mum is the best... she cook me so much food to eat >_>. enough of that... anyway whats there to celebrate... going to adulthood liaoz greater the age greater the responsibility.

hmmm am i too da nan ren? some1 commented before that my future gf sure is xiao nu ren =.=~ haha being rebellious during youth doesn't mean that what... who knows later i scared of her instead... why am i thinking of such things.... be bachelor best =P

oh yea haha nabei i think my gambling account for the world cup is win one or two bucks nia... >_> lost money on germany, so become even again. Not betting anymore liaoz. Just feel like enjoying the game.

to be recorded for future reference carter scratch is a thumb strumming and plucking of the lower strings... fuzz pedal rocks if wan buy distortion pedal thats my first. oh yea seaweed is soften in soya sauce, so make sure i cook rice instead of noodle this month thats my aim!

thats about it, all my junk in my head for today is dumped =)

ooh wtf i going to be broke... forgot about fu-ge bday, omg jin min also~!!!

No mood

Germany lost, my dad is in hospital and i cant wait for my long weekend... i really dun feel like dragging myself to work. Took half day off today, didn't want to see any1 or talk with any1 at work. i think its like they wished i wasn't there so that they have less problem with NSFs and i wished i wasn't there to kill time. hehz. Thats whats happen when u try to mix professionalism with mandatory force labour >_>

besides that, lolz been smsing yijia this morning, dunno why but i feel that when two eccentrics communicate, they elevate to a higher level of thinking =.=~ :P maybe its a different dimension altogether.

speaking of which, i been reading up on spanish inquisition, photon mass, relativity and quantum particles. i can only say that power corrupts even the holy, photons are weightless, relativity is a paradox and quantum particles are quantum particles la. omg i feel like i am in kindergarden.

someone recently asked me why people go commit suicide, i really wanted to answer her that its becoz they are driven by circumstances and that surviving is just a form of torture. But i held back and said it was on impulse.

perception to a society thats define by humans means fitting in to a certain extend. Those who cant fit in or those who perceive himself or herself to have failed in achieving raison detre tend to commit suicide. As humans grew powerful, power itself define us. the basic satisfaction of survival isn't enough for our keen and adapted senses. to survive means to gain power, to work for a goal, if u are deprived of this rights, the sense of the word survival doesn't hold any meaning anymore to u. thus that...

another common way of evading suiciding is to reject society, to go back onto animalism and survive for the sake of surviving. Preception of everything changes and usually one can never revert back to recognising society as it is before, but over time one can regain the rights to gain power, one might consider conforming again to it.

So be happy with what u have, u are definitely biting into one of societies greatest pitfalls if u persue too much.. but then again whats there to lose when u are already surviving in this world.

i tend to screw up everything

is it coz my brain functions in so many different views at a time or is it just that i cant focus. I dont know, i found that i suck at keeping conversations and i dunno why... pls chansey haha enlighten me on my fubarness.

its a critical fault that i think so much and forget even more... where did my memory went, it wasn't that bad last time =( i'm getting old.

being sunk into mediocre doesn't help either, hehz... going to feel depress.

having an inferiority complex and becoming anti social.

the lack of dependence has created a distain for dependence. The deep seeded hate for whatever major bad things that happen in my life is poisoning my conciousness. The only good thing that i find about me is that withdrawing into such a state has put me in such a suspended animation and i just dont care about social acceptance, radicalising my thoughts and giving me once again a crystal view of social structures in various states.

have i confused recognition with love? recollecting back on my previous entry i think love is a mixture of emotions and actions, different to every individual interpretion. oh well, have i nowhere to go in live and end up lifeless on the internet.. what is my reason of living? am i searching for it or have i abandon it and gone fleeting in the clouds.

am i a psychopath? i am i think...

hEEe

had a great friday, went for half day off! haha finally after one month i go off for just once.
then after that met sjunz out for a nights out at night safari! haha both of us first time there so we like blur blur one... at first when we were going in, got some1 gave us a ticket and tram ride coupon.... so heng lor >_>

we walked around find atm, coz both of us never draw money before we came... i really fail at being a guy =X then we both walk here walk there finding one until the entrance staff told us its at the zoo.. and UOB sucks there is only POSB and HSBC, HSBC got one there why UOB cannot have.


so after that we went back to buy 1 more ticket for admission, met shirley from jss at the counter.. what a coincidence haha she like still her old self talk a lot =P Then after that we had trouble finding food... the night safari restaurant was closed for renovation and the freaking tram ride dinner cost 195 per person OMGZ that makes it one of the pricest dinner in singapore and min. is 15 people =.=~

end up eating bongo burger, the performance was great but the food not so. they had some fire dance and fire breathing performance nice atmosphere it feels somewhat out of what u normally expect in singapore.. haha everything there is like more for tourist although there were locals there too. after dinner which was about 10 oclock then we went in.

The tram ride was great, the guide was very long winded but i guess she's like that coz she been repeating the same thing for like dunno how long... the ride thru the safari was quite dark and remind me of my times in tekong... going thru the wilderness in pitch darkness... sjunz was quite scared of the dark but hmm heng she never freak out that night...

i guess the best animal we saw was the tiger, they look quite majestic and full of pride.. lol plus the stoning elephant stand at one corner and gaze into dunno what.