the bottle of thoughts and words broken..

IF thoughts were the ocean, words is the sky why are they all trapped inside my heart my universe... In search of it all there are words that never come out, muted even before i could say it but here it goes:

dad: i always hated your guts hated your ways, but i guess u always wanted the best for me even when i knew it wasn't the best for myself. Please let me go, all the way alone i'll show u what ur son is really made of.

mum: u're the person i love most in this world no matter what, though i dun wan to be a christian esp in ur church, i have always respected you the most, from u i learnt to persevere and learn from hardship, thank you all this years for supporting me even when I failed.

grandma: I owe you a big debt of gratitude, without your support i'll never be able to live properly always tormenting my ownself unable to live on my own, i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

aunt yasmine: I always reluctant to thank you for all the financial support u have given me thru out the years, its not because i am not grateful but is because i want to repay you back, i will thank you for your help but I am determined to repay this debt.

aunt helen: thanks for helping my dad even when i feel he doesn't deserve it, I will work hard to ammend my ways, but sadly i wont be attending your church anymore because its not a place i seek, i am not a person who follows advise but one who makes decision base on the situation, I am not suited for church nor its belief.

peter koufu: i'll try to fix ur guitar. Sorry

Juns: it hurts to see you in pain always, I worry for you always thinking how u will be each day, but i know i cannot be by ur side cause I am already gone, the me that love the old you, all gone... time just numbs the pain and though I am ok with you already, sometimes your actions remind me of the past.

Junz: you're a sweet girl capable and intelligent and at one point captured my thoughts and attention, though so, i think we are buddies, mp3 and gunbound buddies, haha we would go to each other on advice on the opposite sex and all, I think i had a great time hanging with you always IRC and Gunbound and ya the genting trip Sorry if i was a bit childish back then but i knew i lost the moment he gave u the present on the sec of midnight to ur bday :P

Chriz:you are a very busy man. do take a break sometime and find a girl worthy of you, and pls dun scare her off ask ibby for advice =P, brothers always.

Marv: i respect you for what you are and what i have seen you grown up all this years, though we play dota a lot, what i really want to say is dont chat with me about the game, its like i haven't drown myself enough in it. anyway i was just joking about knowing ur cousin, i forgotten her face long ago, though i maybe very xia lan at times and u very tolerant, I will definitely stand up for you like u always did for me, ahha if got people like that time bball wan fight with u i sure kaobei him back.

Flint: fuck u, i think u need to wake up and get past that relationship, not only u changed a lot, I think u becoming a shell of your past, though i never said this to you, I think you are very manly with your stubborness and insistance on your ways but pls dun blind your own sight further coz i think u r deterioting yourself this way. But i also see that u r very strong already, ya girls suck but thats becoz there is no ideal girl in this world bah... every1 is evil muahahaha

jin min: i am jealous of you, you are well off, handsome but not only that you got a very xiao zhang tone, but i used to it la, ur normal way, the reason i keep on suaning u is i really jealous and i know u damn xiao qi, life's a joke rite dun take it too hard laaa.

cheng yi: though u r the same gang, i dunno why i always need to tolerate ur behaviour ur too obvious violent play during bball and ur attitude bah. but i admit i also a lot of xiao dong zhuo la so we are even.

aye chan: i felt betrayed up till today, but i know its all my own thinking, i just wish u the best with her bah, i still feel the same about her... as in what i told u before u met her, but nobody is perfect and i know shes perfect in your eyes and i am just a lump of shit but i really hope that u two wont forget that mutual friend of urs.

yi jia: i'm glad we are still talking though u already knew, u deserve much better and dun be too hard on yourself, if you dunno what i am talking about i almost confessed my feelings for u before ur A levels but i let the thought go away upon learning ur patch up and i supported u anyway.

germzy: ur damn special to me i dunno is it becoz that time on irc or coz u give me a lot of positive impression. would want to get to know u better as in like real life friends instead of everytime on the net.

kat: i'm sorry i'm out of contact with u for a few years, ever since that scouts-guides camp i was scared i would be closer to ur friends than u coz u were very quiet so in order to not make it more gan ga i just chose to disappear until u were older bLeahx i miss you a lot.

michelle: that day at the guitar ensemble performance where u sang solo, u truly are the first to melt my heart with that song of urs.. My heart was thumping thru out.

sue lynn: thanks for all the inside info, i think u r beautiful with a wonderful personality nice knowing u.

pei qing: you're a very sweet girl, i undoubtedly regret that I did such a foolish thing in sec 1 in front of the class, and end up in between u and ibsen =.=~ but i guess half of it is also that ibsen's fault, pushing me to u. but ya la i very stupid la.

jane: not much to talk about except that u have been a great companion in the jw42 gang. wish u well and dun take my suaning to heart >.>

angeline: u are a very innocent person but i have been so evil to say so much bad things about u >.> actually its not very bad la but everytime i make it until like u r flint's friend not ours >.> also poking fun at flint la. i think u r not bad.

jessie: i dunno why everytime i talk with u, i feel like we are flirting though we aren't! u must have a very sweet way of talking and i was just playing along, coz i overheard ur conversation with other guys and ya same bah. Sorry i forgot ur flight >.> feel so bad... hope u enjoy sydney and study hard ok... i got a feeling u wont have a prob fitting in :) there a lot of hunks ;)

fay: i was attracted to u year 3 of poly though i damn hum and obviously not ur type. to me ur too pure and i was too evil but u always insisted that u r a meanie which until now i dun think is true la, i hope all is well in melbie and cant wait for u to grad.

leonard: dude, u seriously need a new lead guitarist la... i really cannot make it... i can intro u a lot of peeps but i think u know quite a lot also, thanks for believing me and trusting me all this years, i did let u down but u have always been forgiving, so guilty i am that i think u need a new guitarist!!!

eeyang: same about the guitarist part, and sorry i dua u twice already, do well in your studies and hopefully time flies and before u know it u come back with a wife from taiwan ahaha

joon chye: sorry i backed out last min but i hope u understand, i dun have the cash to be ur partner. really damn sorry.

andy: I think u r smart cunning and very good at talking, I was ok with u until the day mao yuan sms me something that was meant for u to see and i knew straight away u backstabbed me though i dont think u knew, sorry if i didn't let my guard down after that but i didn't harbour any hard feelings thanks for all the advise that u have gave.

mao yuan: eh bro wtf are u doing these days, still with that girl ar haha

ok... think i stop here its two hr already and i cant recollect everything from the ocean. It takes a lot of courage to put my personal thoughts up like that and i hope if u were to shoot it down, think first... i may be right or maybe i am wrong.