when there is nothing to be happy about

when sometimes life just takes hold of u, gave u one good shake, u start to realise that everything positive was only inside your head. You have no place to study in after national service, your dad's burden has become yours, what u wish you had just couldn't seem to bother u...

all u could think of is lock urself in your world and throw away the keys, u just couldn't seems to care anymore. You feel destined to be alone, what right do you have to give someone happiness when u urself aint happy at all. You start to think back of the past, all the emotional scars, how u went mad overstress and depressed, how u have endured all this years. You think you are tougher but u are wrong, you were lucky to have your sanity, u are not tough but weak, weak to the point of pathetic, then you feel stronger, i'm not pathetic, i'm the master of my own destiny, then things start to revert back and you start living in your own world again :) Feeding on whatever false hope u create knowing that a future of hopelessness awaits.

thats when i start to hear the words screaming inside my head courtesy of OST of Spiderman 2 "vindicated, i am selfish, i am wrong and i am right i swear i'm right, swear i knew it all along. and i had fought, but i am cleaning up so well, i am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself so clear"