A theory on life

Life to me as a child was aspirations, dreams and ideals. As a child is easy to follow ur dreams, u just have to think of what u want to be imagine how u r there and what u going to do, u take each day with full of ur hopes and dreams and u know one day u will get there.

Not so easy in real life though. I was bright, young and talented, top in maths in my pri sch, had all the toys that i wanted. I knew that one day I would think of something to change the world, I knew that I got the mind to envision great things even multi processing of images motion and possibilities. I could picture four diff settings at four diff places at a time. I tried picturing 6, but i guess thats when i first met my limit. I broke down. Literally mad. Started hearing voices, lost control laughing during exams, became depressed. I still was brilliant but i was mad. I started envisioning apocolypse... imagine a primary five kid envisioning dooms day. I became consumed everyday thinking of how do i prevent it. What were the possiblities?

Well, i running off topic here, shujun this is my advice for u, life is like a never ending stream of water, sometimes u want to flow to the big ocean but u got stuck in a puddle, other times u got block by a rock or what and after persistence and applying more pressure on the rock u flow thru, other times there is no way but to divert your flow off course but still flowing.

I started young with a lot of potential, but where i end up is mediocre not because i didn't follow my dreams is because thats what life lead me to, u may think i am lazy, i can study but ya i chose to slack and end up here. But the truth is i ran out of steam, i made some tough choices stand my ground but only to realise that the only way forward was to give up on them so that i can live better than to stagnate as a puddle of water. Juns at a point of time, i knew my whole life was u, every breath i took became harder coz ii was beating for u, but i had to lose myself, let it all go cause i already knew i will nv swim in ur ocean. *_*

Some things in this world once broken can never be replaced

remembering how upset i got at the start of the mth due to that incident... she has forgiven me! xD recalling what has happen, i was really devastated till i turned 180 depressed and rejected. I really had a very bad june because of this and it seems like it snowballed along with my mood till the point i was thinking why i was on this planet breathing air coz i deserve to die being such a loser. But i still had support from my close friends though the guys like mocked me a lot, at least my gal pals cheered me up abit. thx to shu jun, kat and sue lynn, i could have been worst off.

Recalling the days when i met zhijun, then have bf but very sad, coz kana ill treated, then pei her chat online trade songs, lols #i.for.you we had our times there, somehow we like got the same taste in music though sometimes we influence each other like i intro her utada hikura and she introed me evanescence. I felt kinda paiseh that time coz i asked a younger girl for advice on relationships coz i was chasing someone back then but she like a older sis would give me some pointers lor. My first and only GF was her friend somemore =.=~ wouldn't have knowed her if not becoz of zhijun although it nv last long but ya i would haven't had a gf till now(sadded). Still got who... i think i wouldn't have met christy in Gunbound too or laura, and chansey wouldn't have a girlfriend now lol.

Still remember the days I , her and her ANew clan inside gunbound whack other clans, though i nv joined their clan but i had a lot of fun. Still remember i kana whacked by one of her clanmates thruout the entire game coz he jealous i so close to her lolz i end up took revenge another match and killed him thru out the entire game =X but ya la that was then. I still remember her 16 bday present from me, the eye-robot cost 250k gunbound gold, godz she overnight got all the ultimate items.

Coached her during her O levels for her science and maths, partly coz i felt guilty for dragging her into gunbound and partly coz i started to had a crush on her back then. She was quite sweet to me that period coz we usually hang out at Macdonalds and study lo, i still remember her, her cousin and her sis sitting down there, then i try to help all 3 >.> really very kind hor, but ok la haha got mei nus to see mah.

Went Genting with her, her haven't yet BF weixiang, then met up with christy at genting. Dunno leh that trip really make me si xin lo coz they two hmmm... very close bah then i find she very very fierce lady ar! Nvm the fuck this fuck that but she also violent lor.... >.> i really pity wei xiang lo heng ar. though my feelings nv fade after that, but i like scared of her also.

Dunno leh, it was not until year2 of her jc year that i met her again coz my school was beside hers, i did maintain contact with her but not very much le, coz pple had bf mah it wasn't until she got out of JC then she would jio me out for clubbing. >.> dun say le la that stupid incident really sucks. but it really make me realise something, she is someone irreplaceable and my good friend indeed.

her one and only sms to me: (my sim card spoiled recently so i cant really remember the exact one)

people often complain
how small the world is,
but i would rather have it small
than miss the chance meeting u,
dont you?

wow its her own writing i kept it till now since 3 or 4 years back. but sad my sim card spoilt

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because...

forgiveness

How do u ask someone for forgiveness when u cant forgive urself, how do u forgive someone when that person doesn't ask for it. and how do u seek forgiveness when the person doesn't forgives. If i had the answers, maybe i could salvage both friendships. ArgH i hate tauruses, dun remind me that i am a virgo. Funny just cant get along with them.

Think i need to let go of myself, hating what i become. thats rite hate... so full of it. Need some financial assistance, damn driving is making me go broke. The most funny thing is i took driving cause my dad got problem driving... but now he seems fine i really dunno why i take it liaoz since I never ever wan to drive that car.... in fact i hate that car so much, coz everytime i see it i know its going to become my burden sooner or later. damn it, why does he have to sign a 10 year loan for it. Z. In fact i hate this damn house too, makes me indirectly living off my dad when the truth is he doesn't even so much care abt me. sighz, i'll just have to work my ass off and hope he doesn't buy another car. Uni can wait... can it? arghz so not fair.

decomposing flesh

cant sleep so well, every breath i take feels heavy, everything i do seems to defeat its own purpose. Its like if god had a plan for me, i already know where i am going, straight to hell buddy.

life is just one stack of dominos, it either falls this way or that.One thing leads to another, no matter how much u try to change course, stop urself from falling u just gonna fall even worse. Everything happens for a reason and only two things are certain in life, birth and death.

Right now for me, i rather end the whole damn thing than to cont going where i am, its like u bought a damn car and u cant control where its going. Well thats modern society for me, u always see the light but when u are lost in the dark, you're just like everyone else who didn't get to see the light part of the norm nothing exceptional.

things start to withdraw and u wish u hadn't been there done that. u wished for all the good things in the world but who is there to take the rest of the damn things u again of coz. Virgo's attempt to be perfectionist is just flawed, the world is so balance. U cant stem out violence anger and hatred, u cant stop love, righteousness and forgivenss, thats why the good is always with the bad, just unfortunate that everybody aint handed out the right proportion, well thats just cause we are all humans and we have a very lousy method of recognition...stress. i doubt there will be an end, welcome to the real world.

ahhhh

wah lauuuuuuuuu ytd wanted to go KTV but I knew i hadn't enough cash to so i didn't go. Today Zhijun ask me out to MOS. I agreed siannz but my aunt hadn't transfered me the cash she every start of the month will give.. Ended up she waited for me 30 mins then i told her i cant go >.> i'm such a loser fuckkk.

There goes two people off my guest list..... they probably condemning me to hell now... sianzzzzzz. I probably wont forget this day lo. Yii Xue cant goes clubbing with 2 chics coz he has no money WTF!~


edit-
didn't want to put this out... but i guess it doesn't matter now does it? Go die bah Yii Xue